Optical Allusionist

"I've been doing a little bit of... i guess you would call it, soul searching online- yeah, i know, that's the place you do it- and I figured, why not start with something everybody's been ranting and raving about: Christiaaanity! So I did, and I was looking up something online about it, and basically, what they said Christianity was, tell me if I'm wrong, but the gist of it was: You are worshiping a cosmic Jewish zombie, who is his own father, who can give you eternal life, if you symbolically eat his blood and flesh and, um, telepathically tell him that he is your master, and if you do that, he will remove this evil spirit that is deep within your soul that everybody in humanity has within them, because this naked woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat the fruit off a magical tree... or something like that... so... i don't think Christianity is for me."