Optical Allusionist

Today was a ton of fun. Random fun, which can tend to be the best kind of fun. I drew a goatee and mustache on myself for fun today with eyeliner and eyebrow liner. :D I looked a lot like my brother, Kevin. After I drew it, I recorded myself doing a few things. I finally came up with something solid I wanted to do with my spurt of spontaneity, and so I made a video. Dad helped me upload it onto youtube tonight, so check this one out!!!

Btw, it's a bit fuzzy and metallic sounding. sorry. Nothin' I can do bout it.


Join me as I take a trip through the land of ... MASCULINITY!!!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dz0j5rwVEgQ

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This will be my first daughter's name: Lolzy Imani. I call it. Dibs! No one can take it. I now have proof! LOLZY IMANI IS MINE!!!

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Who's YOUUURR comfort juice? This happened to be the question Elise asked Chalice, concerning Jason (the kid who sits next to the 7 of us girls at lunch) :) It was an ENTIRELY odd moment, that ended up going way too far. In fact, if you're in for a humorous, extensive story, this is what I wrote for my anecdotal journals for English:

WARNING: eventual allusions of PG-13 material ... accidental allusions that were easy to infer.... which probably means they shouldn't be called "allusions", but I'm thinking too hard. Don't think too hard, here, either.

Jason had become the latest “hot topic” for lunch. He was the only boy in our group of eight lunch-kids, and the guy that seemed perfect for Stacy, attractive for Chalice, and my next first choice for a date. Chalice is in my ward, and so that Wednesday night we talked about maybe me wanting to go on a date with him. She's entirely indifferent to everyone of the male gender, and, when asked if she thought him “cute”, she'd laugh and say “I don't know! Why?” Thursday brought another lunch-time fantasia of laughter from her when Elise, who was in the loop but also indifferent, asked, smiling and bobbing her brow, “Is he your comfort juice?” Chalice, who was sipping from her juice box, nearly spurted juice all over Jason, who was oblivious to what Elise was hinting at. Stacy, listening to Jason talk, laughed at a joke of his, and signaled that she was unsure of what to think about the burst of laughter. I turned to Elise who was sitting next to me and asked, discreetly, if she thought Stacy and Jason would go well together. She looked at the both of them. Her eyes shot open, and her mouth erupted in laughter.
Stephanie stopped us all and asked, “What are we doing for Friday?” Every Friday we would bring a table cloth, and each of us would bring a food item to share with each other. We hadn't been doing that well with planning, and Stephanie wanted us to get a good start... even though it was still Thursday. Rebecca suggested playfully that we should all go to Stacy's conveniently-close house for lunch. I wasn't partial to the idea since I lunch work, and would get there late enough to scarf my food, and leave for school again. Jason perked up at once and said “Oh, yes, let's go to Stacy's house!!” Elise, in somewhat of a fit of confusion muttered, “But she doesn't have her room clean.” My eyes shot open and my head jerked around, mouth gaping as I rechecked my memory, trying to understand (in an appropriate setting) what she could have been implying.
“What?!” I gasped. She had gone too far. She paused for a moment, unsure of what I was asking. Her response came in a suddenly-straight posture and jerk of her head.
“How horrid! That's not what I meant! How could you infer something like that?!” I came to my own defense, and the argument immediately intensified into a high-pitched, rapid succession of machine-gun fire, each sure the other was at fault. The only kind of attacks a girl could make. The table stopped to listen to our nonsensical argument, and each onlooker in turn would give the expected “Okaaaaaaayy.....” Hesitant laughter trickled through the audience, as we began to die down. The discussion continued, trying to figure out who was to bring what. Elise and I would occasionally say things like, “You implied it, so it was easy to infer it.” or “How horrid! My goodness!” but were otherwise peaceful. Jason offered the suggestion of Italian, to which Elise burst up with laughter once more. Not quite up with her sense of lingo, I went back to my food, snickering at this whole “comfort juice” situation. Afterwards, Chalice approached Elise and I and asked what we'd been speaking about. Trying to explain enough to appease her, I said “Well... it sort of had to do with last night at mutual--” Elise broke open in guffaws, and asked “Was it combined?!” I gave her an incredulous glare and grinned. What a funny girl...


And for some odd reason, this conversation reminds me of Erin, and that "love letter" she, and I and Chalice, and Bethany, and... hmmm, anybody else? probably. Lauren? was she there that year? ... nO, i think she'd gone. ANYWAYS, at Youth Conference, we wrote a mysterious secret admirer letter for Derek. It's very funny. It was an odd way to... well, I think Erin was getting back at him- something to do with a pillow, and someone poking somebody else with a pin. Erin's a funny girl... so is bethany... and chalice... Hahaha, and Derek, but he's a funny BOY, not a girl... speaking of which, what happened to five second electrons, derek, maboy? ...That sort of came out wrong- I was just noticing the other day how often you used to cite it until Bethany left, and, well, if Freud were here, he'd psychoanalyze you for that up and down and straightways back. Anyways, probably shouldn't do that on here... Your subconscious may get more embarrassed than it is right now.

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March 1, 2007


Any of you guys remember "Big Brat"? That was a book I started in 4th grade, and finished in 9th grade. A wimpy 20 pt font, 56 page book. And such a drama, too. Wow, so I was reading that thing the other day, and I swear, I crack myself up. Know why? That is such bad writing. It's horrible. It's so horrible I was laughing hysterically. For instance, JCW's-- a local burger joint in AF -- is, I guess, the nicest place I'd ever been to. (I used to work there over this last summer. Never going back.) So, I thought it would be terribly romantic if (at 18 years old and having "many more... boyfriends before then") if my very-soon-to-be-fiance proposed to me there. In a tux. and me in a nice, white dress. But, after trouble getting to that point, which is too complicated to explain, I wait at JCWs for almost two hours (yeah right, if a guy left me in a restaurant for half an hour, I'd probably eat and then leave) and finally, when I get up to leave, a nurse walks in, having sneaked out of the hospital to get me for her patient. (Can we spell "G-r-e-y'-s A-n-a-t-o-m-y?") When I get to the hospital, I'm told (with a bit of struggle, of course) that he's broken his neck and is paralyzed. His bishop and another brother come and give him a blessing, and he's miraculously cured. (Oh, and the best part of that part, is, after HE asks ME to kneel down at his bedside, he asks me to marry him, and in the book, seriously, this is what I wrote: "I knew what I had to say, and I knew what I wanted to say. They were the same thing." I mean, in case you were wondering, you don't need to be worried. They were the same thing.) So, at 12:04, we attend the temple (in our tux and white dress, coincidentally) and invite Lyndsi Bromley over to our marriage. After popping into my parents (who were ecstatic, of course) and his parents, we find out that his great Uncle Leo, or something like that, died and just left us 10.5 million, and a mansion called Cobra Mansion (doesn't exist for those of you that are eager to discover this mansion.) I mention so many people that I knew from way back when in that book, though, it's funny. In the book, I actually start working at the AF Jr High, and I'm working there now. Anyways, I'm tired and that's about all the laughs I can get out of that book for tonight. :) Seia guys later!!

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Funny song, sans the profanity




"Date Rape" by Sublime

Let me tell you about a girl I know,
had a drink about a hour ago.
Sitting in a corner by herself, in a bar in downtown Hell.

She heard a noise and she looked through the door.
And saw a man she'd never seen before.
Light skin, light blue eyes, a double-chin and a plastic smile.
Well, her heart raced as he walked in the door
And took an empty seat next to her at the bar.
"My brand new car is parked right outside. How'd ya like to go for a ride?"
And she said."Wait a minute I have to think."
He said, "That's fine. May I please buy you a drink"
One drink turned into 3 or 4 and they left and got into his car
and they drove away someplace real far.

Now babe the time has come.
How'd ya like to have a little fun?
And she said."If we could only please be on our way, I will not run."

That's when things got out of control.
She didn't want to, he had his way.
She said, "Let's Go"
He said, "No Way!"
Come on babe it's your lucky day.
Shut your mouth, were gonna do it my way.
Come on baby don't be afraid,
if it wasn't for date rape I'd never get laid.

He finished up and he started the car
He turned around and drove back to the bar.
He said."Now baby don't be sad, in my opinion you weren't half-bad."
She picked up a rock.,threw it at the car, hit him in the head, now he's got a big scar.
Come on party people won't you listen to me.
Date Rape Stylee.

The next day she went to her drawer, look up her local attorney at law,
went to the phone and filed the police report and then she took the guy's butt to court.
Well, the day he stood in front of the judge he screamed, "She lies that little slut!"
The judge knew that he was full of crap and he gave him 25 years
And now his heart is filled with cheers.

One night in jail it was getting late.
He was butt-raped by a large inmate, and he screamed.
But the guards paid no attention to his cries.

That's when things got out of control.
The moral of the date rape story, it does not pay to be drunk and horny.
But that's the way it had to be.
They locked him up and threw away the key.
Well, I can't take pity on men of his kind,
even though he now takes it in the behind.

But that's the way it had to be.
They locked him up and threw away the key.
Well, I can't take pity on men of his kind,
even though he now takes it in the behind.
DATE RAPE!

She didn't want to [x4]
TAKE IT!

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At 8:17 on a Tuesday morning, I was convinced that it was the absolute worse day of my life. I am someone who abhors lateness and rejoices in punctuality in all things. In fifth grade, I was even awarded the "Honorary Punctuality Award" for never having had a single tardy or absence. that Tuesday I was late two minutes to Chemistry, destroying my perfect record. And as if that wasn't bad enough, my library book, Summer Reading is Killing Me, was due yesterday and for one reason or another, I had conveniently remembered that morning. But that was all at 8:17.

At 8:19, as I rounded the last corner on my way to class, I ran into Rick Krennar. Books and papers flew everywhere as we bumped heads. I shook the stars out of my eyes, and the bump off my forehead, and was about to yell "Hey, watch where you're going!" when I made a huge mistake: I looked up and saw those dreamy, Tucker-blue eyes staring down at me, a concerned stare clouding his face, and puckering his eyebrows. Why was he concerned? Everything was perfectly fine. Still hazed by my elated astigmatism, I stared around at the textbooks and notes blanketing the floor. My ecstasy broken, I jumped to my knees and began to pick up the mess that had been created by my carelessness, stuffing all I cold find into both the bags. And before I could tell, Rick was gone, leaving me gazing off happily into a distant hallway, a cacophony of papers stuffed and crumpled into my bookbag.

I don't know how long I knelt there, but I do know that by the time I looked down at my watch, I finally came back to my senses. The timepiece read a grim 8:37. There was no way I could walk into class twenty-two minutes late, so there was only one thing to do: deliver the book back to the library. Straightening the chaos in my bag, I searched for the text. I looked six times, but on the seventh try, the book still wouldn't appear.

I was beginning to get frantic when who should come back but Rick. The feeling of wanting to tear out my hair was still fighting with the urge of high school acceptance as he asked me if I was looking for something. I was about to nod-- seeing as how that was all I could do-- when I had a moment. You know, one of those moments where you feel like you understand the answer to everything, and if someone asked you whether the chicken or the egg came first, you could answer with true conviction and full confidence. I stood up, bag in hand, and said, "No. I need to go to the library," thinking that perhaps i had already returned it, as would be in my nature.

Or, at least, "library" is what I meant to say, but at the last moment I looked in his eyes again, and I got weird and said something that oddly resembled "By Mary" or "Primary." Well, Rick smiled- which set me off once more. (Those teeth weren't just perfect; they were divine.) He led me out to his car, and offered me a ride. It wasn't until we pulled up to the Binary Brothers Clock Shop that I realized something was wrong. Turning to tell him that I meant "library", not "Binary", I spied a lone book on the top of the dashboard.

"Oh my gosh! My book!" Rick glanced over and affirmed that he hadn't been sure where he retrieved it from and now understood that it must have been when we bumped into each other. When we got to the library, after a brief explanation with Rick, the woman behind the counter explained that it wasn't due for another three days.

After I fainted, Rick drove me to the hospital and I was treated for shock, but after I awoke, they became suspicious of insanity and sent me to the local mental hospital for a stay of a month. After twenty-seven days of vouchers on my behalf, the doctors were finally convinced that my rantings of books and Chemistry ahd nothing to do with my mental health. Which is the reason I'm here, 25 days late, turning in my book, Summer Reading is Killing Me.

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God must have a sense of humor; he throws snow at us, and we can't throw it back.

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Filled with logical fallacies of every kind, but check out this link if you haven't seen this movie yet. :D


http://video.freevideoblog.com/video/AAC7FA18-2DDC-4D3E-B1BB-9D6CBD83E27F.htm

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