Optical Allusionist

There is a man who has contributed to changing "the way humanity views itself" in ways humanity itself does not yet understand (Brians). Although his theories are not as popular as they have been previously, many psychologists have used and still use his methods and theories in therapy and elsewhere. Dr. Cornelia Wilbur, the psychoanalyst of Sybil Dorsett, is one of these many successful therapists (Sybil: The Art of Shirley Mason). This vociferous group does not understand the meanings of, and the truth within Sigmund Freud's beliefs. Next to Marx, the presumed inventor of the communist economic system, this man is one of the most misunderstood men of our time.
Born into the Victorian era, this man lived in a time where sex was suppressed, oppressed, and repressed. When he began to hypothesize concerning theories that directly and indirectly claimed we all were sexual human beings, opposition roared against him. This opposition has become a tradition, passed generation to generation. Often people hear the mention of this man, and loudly proclaim him a fraud and a pervert.

Because of Freud's focus on pleasure and sex, he's thought of as a fraud, but there is much truth to his basic teachings. His therapy and personality theory reflects and focuses on the unconscious and self. His psychosexual stages of development have the purpose of pointing out our pleasure-seeking nature, and accurately depict how one could be affected by a block of progression. Neither his sexual focus, nor his chauvinism make him ignorant of how our unconscious affects our everyday lives.

Freud uses the arts of free association, dream interpretation, Freudian slips, and emphasized the importance of childhood experiences and unconscious thoughts in therapy (Freud File). Another important aspect of therapy with Freud was his personality theory. A Freudian slip is an "extreme simple slip" that more accurately represents unconscious opinions. Free association occurs when the client tells the therapist anything and everything that comes to their mind, no matter how seemingly trivial or embarrassing. His dream interpretations reflect his belief that "dreams are the royal road to the unconscious" (Freud, Interpretation of Dreams). The art of therapy he used focused heavily on the unconscious part in each of us.

His personality theory dealt heavily again with the unconscious. There are, he said, three major parts of each personality. These are the Id, the Superego, and the Ego. The Id is the part of our personality that looks out for us, with no thought to others. It tells us we should eat because we're hungry, or sleep because we're tired. The Superego is the part of our personality that looks out for others, with no thought to ourselves. Often, it's referred to as our conscience. The Ego is the balancer of the Superego and the Id. It directs us to food, without having to steal it in order to obtain. Both the Superego and the Id are extremes, and without the Ego, we would be nonexistent.

A plausible argument concerning free association is that the client may say something in order to lead the therapist, or that they may skip things that come to mind, and there will be no way to tell. Although this happens, it is neither true free association, nor can it last. Eventually the client will say something that will reveal a part of him or herself that is needed for more effective therapy.

There are those who believe that Freud's dream interpretations are too wild because they deal so heavily with sex, pleasure, and the reproductive system. Dreams, however, are a reflection of the unconscious. They provide, whether through explicit or symbolic material, "material which is in part neither remembered nor used in the activities of waking thought" (Freud, Interpretation of Dreams). When the society is either extremely suppressing or extremely encouraging a certain aspect of life, it will show up in your unconscious beacon: your dreams. Of course, in the words of Freud himself, "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar" (Brainy Quote).

Another problem many have with his methods of therapy was one Jung, Freud's former good friend and avid Freudian, discovered he himself had opposing view to. Many see Freud's therapy and personality theory as selfish and self-centered.

Freud and Jung's relationship was congenial until Jung hypothesized something further when he figured out for himself that "dreams can eventually be reduced to certain basic patterns" (Jung). Freud had already adopted Jung as a son, which left Jung livid, and so the relationship had been tense, but once Freud figured out that Jung was breaking away from the mainstream of his beliefs, he had very little tolerance for his former friend (Crowe). Jung eventually broke off the relationship.

Jung discovered something he coined the "collective unconscious"- the idea that while we each have a superficial personal unconscious, there is a link that connects the universe, particularly through symbols, thus the collective unconscious (Kazley). However, it seems that Jung misunderstood Freud's motives. Freud focused on the self, as he only had one client in the room at a time. He believed that "self-awareness was a part of becoming a better, stronger, richer human being" (Karen Horney). His focus was on the self, while Jung's focus was on the universe. Both were worthy causes, and eventually helped each other.

Freud's hypotheses on the psychosexual stages of development, and the problems resulting from a blocking of progression is another theory many have an issue with. The basic teaching of the theory is that we are pleasure-seeking individuals, and if at any stage of development our progression is blocked, then it will affect the continuing stages. These five stages are the oral, anal, phallic, latent, and genital stages.

The oral stage begins at birth. We seek pleasure through our mouth- often through breastfeeding . You will often find as well that at this time the baby will grab at anything surrounding him or her and put it in her mouth. This stage usually lasts until the child is around eighteen months, at which time the anal stage begins. The anal stage occurs when the child has grown more muscle and begins to find that they can begin to control their defecation and urination. Around this time, potty training begins. There is pleasure in releasing waste, and the warmth associated with it.

The phallic stage usually covers ages three to six. In this stage, the child begins to recognize the difference between the sexes, often connecting themselves in relation to a parent. It is usually a time when one concerns one's self with the discovery of the genitals. This concentration on gender identity often occurs in relation to the Oedipus complex, or the Electra complex with girls, another of Freud's theories. This complex concerns itself with the competition between same-sex parent relationships, and the contrasting loving relationship with the opposite-sex parent child relationships. The son may feel in competition with the father for the mother's love, or the daughter may feel in competition with the mother for the father's love.

In the latent stage of development- usually ranging from around ages six to twelve- the child either feels no sexual attraction, or decides to show none.

The last stage- the genital stage- occurs when puberty hits. The child will then attempt to search for partners, potentially sexual partners. This last stage lasts for the rest of one's life.

Freud tells us that if one of these stages comes up against resistance, it may affect the rest of the stages, possibly even the progression from one stage to the next. For instance, if the child is weaned too early, they may feel dependent or mistrusting for many years into adulthood. This would be a result of a disturbance in the oral stage of development. On the other hand, if there were to be disturbances in the anal stage, such as aggravating potty training, a need or a sense of control might grow, making adults what we know now as "anal", a term used to describe someone as controlling. If, during the phallic stage, something were to happen to block progression, then there might be an unhealthy preoccupation with sex later in life, or an undying hate for the same-sex parent. And if, during the latent stage, the child were to have some sexual affection forced upon them, there is a possibility that they may remain stuck in an impotent state. Freud actually believed that "every neurosis results from premature sexual activity" (Freud, Beyond the Pleasure Principle).

There are many who say the psychosexual stages of development focus too much on the sexual aspect of life. In fact, Freud meant them not only as sex-seeking stages, but as pleasure seeking stages. Pamornpol Jinachitra, an analyzer of Freud's pleasure principle, put it into perspective.

The concept of sexuality has been given an extension from Freud. Firstly, it is divorced from its close connection with genitals to concentrate rather on the purpose of achieving pleasure. It is only secondary to serve as the means to reproductive function.


We are naturally pleasure-seeking individuals, and the fact that Freud's psychosexual stages of development had to do with sex is only part of it. The pleasure can also be associated with basic pleasures gained from these stages: eating, releasing, or learning, for example. We do find fascination with basic pleasures, as well as, due to the fact that we are sexual human beings, sexual pleasures.

There are those that say these stages are too deterministic. Determinism is the idea that whatever happens to you as a child will determine who you will become. The more accurate phrase would be "influencism". Influencism, similar to determinism, is the idea that whatever happens to you as a child will greatly influence who you will become as an adult. Of course, there are exceptions to any rule, which is why, although determinism is nearly accurate.

Last of all, Freud's focus on misogyny and sex make people feel as though this defeats the brilliancy of his theories. America's Victorian attitude concerning open discussion of sex is reflected in our controversy over sex education is schools. A school poll reflected this conflict over whether sex education ought to be taught, and if so, in what way. Some believe it shouldn't be taught at all, while others think it could be taught, but only if taught in a certain way. The predicament? No one can decide which way would be best (Kaiser). This is an example of our "Victorian sexuality".

The term "Victorian sexuality" is well put, and a term becoming more and more associated with America. It urges "a self that [is] focused on self-control, suppression of sexual urges, and denial of women's sexual feeling" (Horowitz). In this state, it becomes harder to accept anything that goes against such a strong conviction. This makes it harder to accept Freud's openness concerning sex and the body. Our culture has reflected our views on Freud through a movie meant to mock Freud's over- erotic way of thinking. "The Pervert's Guide to the Cinema" is led around by a psychologist who has the opportunity to "show" the viewer all the things in the cinema that are obviously based off of the pleasure principle. Nevertheless, it is important to remember once again that Freud was focusing on the pleasure principle more than the sexual principle.

His chauvinistic attitude also strikes a cord with many people. Misogyny does not cancel out brilliancy. Karen Horney, a large defender against Freud's chauvinism, still agreed with portions of his theories. One of the issues people have with Freud is that he experimented entirely on boys and men. He hadn't thought that they would have been any different then women, and so decided to test them, leaving all of his answers for a male world. However, there is still much truth to Freud's discoveries because the discoveries are general enough, and with enough truth benefiting both sexes, that they can be applied to the general female population as well as that of the male population.

Another main concern is about Freud's penis envy. Karen Horney, again, was a major battler of this theory. In her own words, she said "Freud was really detecting... women's justified envy of men's power in the world" (Karen Horney). In other words, Freud's penis envy- the literal envy a woman holds for a penis- would have been more appropriately termed 'power envy'. Ms. Horney also speculated over "womb envy", a male counterpart to penis/power envy (Boeree). Both envies would be a coveting over what each sex could not have, that the other sex could.

A last point concerning Freud's chauvinism: women would come to him in therapy with stories of sexual abuse, but he would deem them not important enough to trifle with, and push to cover the next topic. This point could be better understood if the contender were to learn more about Freud's hypotheses. Like was said earlier, he believed that "every neurosis result[ed] from premature sexual activity, mainly child molestation, in childhood.." His rejection, then, was a reflection of his belief that the abuse had to be severe enough for it to cause problems. So, when a woman would come to him with stories of sexual abuse that he didn't think were sever enough, he would dismiss it, thinking there could be no permanent damage. The prologue to his book Beyond the Pleasure Principle states it quite clearly, though, that Freud was not limited to an extreme.

Freud never claimed that sexual abuse did not exist. He had patients who he knew had

not imagined the assaults they reported. All he abandoned when he abandoned the

seduction theory was the sweeping claim that only the rape of a child, whether a boy or a

girl, by a servant, and older sibling, or a classmate, could be the cause of neurosis.

It must be remembered that Freud was not so limited in his thinking as the times and culture around him encouraged. Although limited to a point in his thinking, Sigmund Freud was quite generous in contrast.

Sigmund Freud was neither ignorant nor brash. His brilliancy cut through a culture of oppression. Although our culture today still has doubts concerning Freud's sexual over-enthusiasm, some day we will join together to notify the world of his intelligence. They have chosen to not stretch forth, as a society, to embrace his beliefs, partially in fear that, as Freud himself attained to, "it might be said of psychoanalysis that if you give it your little finger, it will soon have your whole hand" (Non Stop English). In contrast with popular, ignorant beliefs, Freud is brilliant. He is brilliant to bring up the things no one dared to. When the culture suppresses a certain aspect of life, it becomes more difficult to speculate about it. When there are few before you who have explored your ideas, it is difficult to decide what is fact, and what is fiction. His chauvinism is narrow-minded, but does not make him ignorant in a broader scale. His focus on sex,ironically, turns his audience off, giving them a self-justified excuse to call him a "sicko" and turn away from a great truth. Freud is one of the most brilliant, and yet, sadly, one of the most misunderstood men of our time.




REFERENCES


Boeree, Dr. C. George. "Karen Horney". 2006. http://webspace.ship.edu/cgboer/horney.html


Brainy Quote, http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/s/sigmundfre125397.html


Brians, Paul, "Sigmund Freud: The Interpretation of Dreams". 1998. Washington State University.

http://www.wsu.edu/~wldciv/world_civ_reader/world_civ_reader_2/freud.html


Crowe, Lauri Jean. Suite 101: Enter Curious. "Relating Freud to Jung". November 1, 1999.

http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/science_of_dreams/24734


Freud File. "Psychoanalysis- Techniques and Practices." 2006.

http://www.freudfile.org/psychoanalysis/.


Freud, Sigmund. Beyond the Pleasure Principle. 1959


Freud, Sigmund. The Interpretation of Dreams. 1965.


Horowitz, Helen Lefkowitz. WNYC New York Public Radio. "Rereading Sex: Battles Over Sexual

Knowledge and Suppression in Nineteenth-Century America". 2002.

http://www.wnyc.org/books/5759


Jinachitra, Pamornpol. "Sigmund Freud's Infantile Sexuality and the Role in the Genesis of the

Neuroses of Adults and in the Psychology of Normal Adults".

http://www.stanford.edu/~pj97/SigmundF.htm


Jung, Carl. Man and His Symbols, 1968.


Kaiser, Kennedy, NPR. "Sex Education in America." 2004.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=1622610


"Karen Horney". Webster University. 2001. http://www.webster.edu/~woolflm/horney.html.


Kazlev, M. Alan. Kheper. "Jung's Conception of the Collective Unconscious". 2004.

http://www.kheper.net/topics/Jung/collective_unconscious.html


Non Stop English, "Quotations Database."

http://www.nonstopenglish.com/reading/quotations/k_Psychoanalysis.asp.


Stevenson, B. David. "Freud's Psychosexual Stages of Development". Brown University. 2001.

http://www.victorianweb.org/science/freud/develop.html


Sybil: The Art of Shirley Mason. 2003. http://www.sybil.biz/collection.php


Zizek, Slavoj. "The Pervert's Guide to the Cinema". 2006. http://www.thepervertsguide.com/

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What is the happiest book you could ever read? Not sure? I'll tell you. Sybil, by Flora Rheta Schreiber, is the happiest book you could ever read. And this is why.

The first point of discussion would be to determine the definition of "the happiest book", and why that pertains to Sybil. So, what is the definition? In my book, no pun intended, the happiest book possible to read, would have the happiest ending to the most horrible story. Why would this be true?

Say you have a happy story. Deer and bunnies prance around the ponies, who are singing a joyful hymn. The main character-- let's call her Maria-- dances into the scene. "Everything's great! Everything's perfect! Life is wonderful!" she proclaims. "No problems here!" The wolf suddenly comes in, stage right. "Grrr. I love you, Maria!" Maria and the wolf hug. Wow, thriller, right? No problems, nothing to solve, nothing to write about, no story-- from a writer's standpoint. Surprise, this happy story of Maria has a happy ending. No surprises, no twists or turns, and most importantly, no relatability to the audience. Raise your hand if Maria's play reminded of your life... No takers, huh? Of course, many of us may have had relatively spectacular lives compared to Shirley Mason's. By the way, for reference's sake, "Sybil Dorsett" is a pseudonym for the woman Shirley Mason. Maria's story isn't relatable. We all have problems. We all have strife. We all want to know it can turn out well in the end. Everyone feels hopeless at one point in their lives, and we all want to know things get better. Or, at least, that they can. Happy endings to happy stories offer no hope to real human beings. A sub point I would make as well is that it makes no sense in a normal human beings' mind for the "happy ending" to occur. Whereas, 'happy' is inevitable at the end of 'happy', it doesn't make it an ending. It's simply a continuation of "happy". Sybil offers hope to anyone going through minute or difficult trials, with the reminder that help is available, that life can get better, and that what may appear to be the impossible is solvable.

My second point of discussion would be to decide why Sybil has the saddest, or most horrible, story/beginning. This is the saddest story because of the abuse, and because of the setting of the abuse. The abuse was extreme, severe, prolonged, often, both regular and irregular, predictable, and unpredictable, and in several forms-- verbal, mental, emotional, physical, and sexual. All of these add up to worse and worse abuses. Shirley Mason, or Sybil, was object raped-- with knives, flash lights, and button hooks-- every night for years. After the object rape, her mother would give her an enema, insisting she hold it in while "Hattie Dorsett" played a long concerto on the piano. Not only was this extreme abuse, but it was done by her mother. Her father was vaguely aware of the abuse that was occurring, and gave accidental signs to Sybil that he "knew". A doctor examined Sybil for a urinary infection, and discovered that her vagina was severely scarred. She lived in a town that proclaimed peace and righteousness. She grew up hearing about a country that protected its citizens. Shirley Mason lived in an era, a community, a family, and a country that was supposedly trustworthy. And yet, she found no one who she could totally trust until she turned twenty-two when she met Dr. Cornelia Wilbur, which too was shattered when her mother cut off contact between Shirley and the doctor. There was no trust in the presence of gruesome abuse.

My third point would be to show how Shirley Mason had the happiest ending. One of the most helpful sites I've seen is written by one of Shirley's friend. This site helped explain that Sybil died happy and complete in 1998, she got over her dissociative identity disorder, or she lived without it for a time, came to understand herself and be more patient with herself, and got to do things she never could have done before, such as go to college, and be a successful human being.

My last area to discuss would be to review why this is the happiest book you could ever read. Referring back to my original definition, Sybil went through the most horrific story, but had the most joyful ending. Parts of the book itself, particularly the beginning-middle part, may not make the reader, per se, happy, but it is not an initially happy story, but, altogether, a happy story. This story brings hope to victims of abuse, people going through difficult times, people who will go through difficult times, psychologists dealing with difficult, or DID patients. As a small point, this book helps clear up some misconceptions about people affected with dissociative identity disorder. It helps explain that DID, formerly known as MPD (multiple personality disorder), is not separate persons within a body, but rather fragments of the core person. And last of the last, it has a happy ending. Joy overcomes pain. Peace overcomes grief. We may feel horribly, gruesomely, gut-wrenchingly angry, sad, or despairing, but in the end, she overcame, which means overcoming is possible in the most or the least meaningful of situations. In the end, pure, ecstatic release is available. It is the happiest ending to the saddest story, and in that way, Sybil is the happiest book, the most relieving story, a reader could read.

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In Dr. Mary Pipher's book Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls, she speaks on the deterioration of society and how it effects young teenage girls. Impossible expectations are set on the shoulders of young women. They are bombarded with conflicting messages concerning sexuality, femininity and adulthood. Mary Pipher, as a clinical psychologist, has had the opportunity to work in therapy with a number of girls, and thus had the chance to observe the culture of America, and what pressures it has set on this generation. I plan to focus on one of the sub points of the book: abuse. Dr. Pipher writes mostly on two areas of abuse: cultural abuse, and sexual abuse. Although she speaks on sexual harassment, in this paper I will be addressing the two abuses mentioned.
Cultural abuse, a term coined by Carol Bly, encompasses “those elements in the culture that block growth and development.” ( pg. 293) Dr. Pipher tells us how America wishes to make young women what it wants them to be: quiet, kind, and feminine. One of her clients put it perfectly when she said “I'm a perfectly good carrot that everyone is trying to change into a rose. As a carrot, I have good color and a nice leafy top. When I'm carved into a rose, I turn brown and wither.” (22) Our culture wants to change us into something we're not, thus destroying the best part of ourselves.
Some of our greatest heroines are at the age just before they're to reach puberty. Heidi, Anne of Green Gables and Pippi Longstockings, all had wonderful adventures, and great personal achievements. (18) As soon as most girls reach puberty, though, they've been thrown into a hurricane. The only way to defend against the hurricane is to lose a sense of Self, and give in to society's expectations. The rules become: “be attractive, be a lady, be unselfish and of service, make relationships work and be competent without complaint.” (39) One client observed, “If I'm having a bad day, teachers and kids tell me to smile. I've never heard them say that to a guy.” (39) And while young boys may have gender-oriented phrases pushed their way once in a while, her point is made.
In Psychologist I. K. Broverman's study male and female participants were asked to check off adjectives that characterized “healthy men”, “healthy women”, and “healthy adults”. While healthy women were “described as passive, dependent, and illogical”, “healthy adults were active, independent and loyal.” By those standards, it seems “impossible to score as both a healthy adult and a healthy woman.” Society asks that we be a healthy adult woman, as they set up road blocks so we can never get there. (39)
The negative effects of media can be a wrecking-ball of confusion, when it comes to building a girl's sense of identity. It's views on sexuality, and occasionally violence, construe young girls' hormones right when they're on the edge of instability. After careful attention, a client of Dr. Pipher's noticed that “some sex scenes have scary music and some violent scenes have sexy music so that sex and violence are all mixed up.” (42) The media sells an idealized version of what a young lady should be, leaving actual young women feeling a sense of inadequacy.
The media spurs ideologies which society absorbs and then sponges into the minds of those present. The sexual harassment in the schools is an example of that. The culture those boys and girls have grown up with, (in)directly encourages these actions. Cultural abuse is seen greatly in the way adolescent women are made out to be sexual objects. Ladies are encouraged to be “sexy, but not sexual.” (240) Girls hear mixed messages as they hear that “sex is... both a sacred act between two people united by God, and the best way to sell sun tan lotion.” (71) They “receive two kinds of sex education...: one in the classroom and the other in the halls.” (206) In the schools, losing your virginity has become a “rite of passage into maturity”, even though “by high school, some girls may be mature enough to be sexually active, but [Dr. Pipher's] experience is that the more mature and healthy girls avoid sex.” (207, 208), Most girls at this age “tend to have love, sex and popularity all mixed up.” (208) It's difficult to know what you're ready for, when the world screams that you're ready. Even the National Children's Study has admitted, “Media exposure regarding sexuality- but not necessarily sexual behavior- may affect subgroup behavior.”
The media has become increasingly violent. Gore is common. Death is insignificant. Throwing a few punches is a fact of life. In the book The Shelter of Each Other: Rebuilding Our Families, Dr. Pipher writes more on violence. She points out that “children, including toddlers, are exposed to hundreds of examples of violence every day.” Once violence could be shown as “the tragic consequence of misunderstandings”, but it is another point all together to demonstrate violence “as a thrill, as a solution to human problems or merely as something that happens when people are slightly frustrated...” The more the media glorifies violence, the more acceptable that assault, battery, or murder seem. The more 'normal' it is, the more 'normal' it becomes. And the more afraid and protective women must become.
Women live in a dangerous world that tends to desensitize sexuality and violence. Their sense of reality is much too acute. Cultural abuse has desensitized young ladies from being who they truly are. Instead of asking young women to be the best they can be, society asks that they be what society wants them to be. In the book The Story of an African Farm, Olive Shreiner says “The world tells us what we are to be and shapes us by the ends it sets before us. To men it says, work. To us it says, seem. The less a woman has in her head, the lighter she is for carrying.” As long as young women yield to our culture's wish for them, they will remain a smaller 'burden' on the backs of this country, but they won't be able to contribute to progression, either.
The second form of abuse Mary Pipher spoke on most prevalently was sexual abuse. She knew of many cases where young women had been abused, or raped. These events often changed the lives of those ladies forever. Dr. Pipher goes to high schools and speaks to groups of girls. “The last three times [she's] spoken at a high school class, a girl has approached [Dr. Pipher] afterward to tell [her] she's been raped.” (219)
Statistics continue to increase, shocking the world. Although one in four women are raped, only sixteen percent report. Sixty percent of victims of rape are under eighteen. Thirty-two percent of young women raped are between the ages twelve and eighteen. Once when Dr. Pipher expressed a concern that a younger friend of her's would be raped, she was greeted with the reply “Do you think that hasn't happened to me before?” Eighty percent of victims knew their attacker. A rape is reported about once every five minutes. How many times a minute would calls be coming in if all women reported their assault? As Dr. Pipher looked over these figures, she proclaimed, “The newer the study, the worse the figures.” (218-219, Office of Health Education)
The effects of rape can be devastating. “Rape hurts us all, not just the victims.” (230) Women become increasingly terrified. Men must prove themselves to women. Dr. Pipher observed, “Fear changes behavior in a thousand ways- where and when young women can go places, who they talk to and where they walk, study, and live.” (219) Her oldest client for rape was in her seventies, having been raped as a teenager. Even she still had nightmares because of the experience. (219)
I once had a discussion with a male friend of mine. I talked about my fear of rape, and how, as a girl, I felt that I always had to be on the lookout. I explained to him, “A girl could look at a man sideways, and it may have been an accident, but she may have looked at just the wrong guy.” He was astounded because he had never been afraid of being attacked before. This was one of my first insights into the differences between men and women and their different ways of living with rape.
In the American culture “sex is currently associated with violence, power, domination, and status.” Young women are “surrounded by sexual violence.” There are many emotions and defenses young ladies use, once victimized. They may “become post traumatic stress victims. They experience all the symptoms-- depression, anger, fear, recurrent dreams and flashbacks.” Though in the beginning they may feel “shock, denial and dissociation”, these feelings often transfer to feeling “anger and self-blame for not being more careful or fighting back.” After rape, young women are more afraid. Nearly all of them say they have been “permanently changed.” (230)
Victims of childhood sexual abuse suffer similarly, as “adolescent issues often trigger earlier traumas.” The victims are often left on their own to “rework the abuse when they are teenagers.” Amidst their culture's expectations, and memories of a horrible past, they can easily become “mixed up about love, sex, punishment and affection. They need to erase memories of bad relationships and build ideas about good ones.” If they don't rebuild correct ideologies, they could very easily run into problems in relationships. As they grow, “issues may arise with dating”. Sexual experiences present themselves, and 'though the girl may want to be “emotionally present”, she may find it impossible to enter into a sexual relationship, finding that it causes a dissociative reaction in her. (229)
It's very important for victims of rape or abuse to let out their pain. When a client of Dr. Pipher came to her as a rape victim, she was terrified of telling her story. Mary Pipher would tell her stories of other girls who had visited her office for the same reason. After a few sessions of stories, Dr. Pipher told her client “When you cut your finger, it bleeds; you may not like blood, it's scary and messy, but fingers that are cut are supposed to bleed. That's healthy. If they don't bleed, something is wrong. What happened to you is horrible and you are going to feel a lot of pain. You won't like it, it's messy and scary, but it's part of healing. Burying the feelings will hurt more in the long run.” (222) The effects of abuse can be much like an infection. The infection must be cut open. Even though there will be a great amount of pain with the draining and the cutting of the infection, once drained and healed there is no more pain. That's the goal.
Alice Miller once said, “The results of any traumatic experience, such as abuse, can only be resolved by experiencing, articulating, and judging every facet of the original experience within a process of careful therapeutic disclosure.” The experience, articulation, and judgment are difficult and painful processes, but they lead to the greater good for the victim. There are a few victims who seem to have an “inner strength”, but for the most part many are damaged greatly. (Reader's Digest)
Dr. Pipher suggests a partial-solution. She values the treatment given for rape or abuse victims- “therapists, hospitals, rape crisis centers and support groups.” (231) But what she wishes for our culture is that we also had a preventative program- somewhere to teach men to respect women and to treat them kindly, and to teach them the horror of abuse. A study was taken in Rhode Island. Young women and young men were asked to answer when a man “has the right to have sexual intercourse with a woman without her consent.” “Eighty percent said the man had the right to use force if the couple were married, and seventy percent if the couple planned to marry. Sixty-one percent said that force was justified if the couple had had prior sexual relations. More than half felt that force was justified if the woman had led the man on. Thirty percent said it was justified if he knew that she had had sex with other men, or if he was so sexually stimulated he couldn't control himself, or if the woman was drunk.” This study revealed that at least eighty percent of these young men and young women didn't understand that no one ever has the right to force sex. (206) Dr. Pipher's suggestion of a “preventive program” could be extremely helpful if ever put to use. Not only do women need to learn how to avoid dangerous situations, but men need to learn what is and is not appropriate.
Looking through the lens of Mary Pipher, abuse is as deadly as a dose of cyanide, but we have the antidote. Choosing to take the antidote after being poisoned by the effects of cultural or sexual abuse, young women can become fulfilled, emotionally self-sufficient adults. Although the statistics are against young ladies of the era, there are ways to avoid, to minimize or to transfer a risk. There are ways to heal, and become the best young woman they can be!





References:
Pipher, Mary, 1994. Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls
Pipher, Mary, 1996. The Shelter of Each Other: Rebuilding Our Families
Safran, 1989. “Kids Who Beat the Odds”, Reader's Digest
Schreiner, 1999. The Story of an African Farm
Brainy Quote, Alice Miller, 2006
http://www.brainyquote.com/quo...

National Children's Study, Jan. 2004, http://www.nationalchildrensst...

Office of Health Education, 2004
http://www.vpul.upenn.edu/ohe/...

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When applying at the end of my sophomore year to take mythology, I was only a little apprehensive at the adventure I could be in for. Sure, I'd studied parts of mythology from Disney's "Hercules", and a short fraction of my eighth grade year dedicated to such a study, so how hard could it be? Months later, class schedules were sent in the mail to eager students. As usual, I emailed my schedule out to many friends, interested in possible course similarities. Almost immediately, emails began to pour in. "Mrs. Nehrer? Man, I am so sorry you've got her." "You've got Mrs. Nehrer? Yeesh!"
The class came quickly, and before I knew it, I was sitting in her class, waiting as she took roll. Smiling sincerely, and struggling to read the paper in front of her, she called out each name. Finally, with an inward sigh of excitement, she set the clipboard down, and introduced herself. "Hello, humans!" The day was full of Kohlberg's theory of moral development, and the emphasis on births and deaths in life and in society. Contrary to what I had heard, I was enjoying the class, even if Mrs. Nehrer seemed a little queer in her habits.
Two days passed, and I entered her classroom once again. The board still held signs of the previous lesson, but I was sure that, though elderly, she surely wouldn't be teaching the same lesson again. Unfortunately, soon into the period I realized why what I was hearing sounded so familiar. She had taught us the same thing last time. But delving into Kohlberg isn't that boring, so I still found a bit of enjoyment in the discussion.
The third day in her class, and she had not yet erased her notes. "No," I thought, "No one would teach the same lesson three times in a row." It seems the term "no one" does not apply to Mrs. Nehrer. Settling on an ageist theory, I decided it must be due to her unnaturally old age for the average teacher. "Her brain must not remember things like that 'cause she's just a little too old for this job", I explained to myself, simultaneously pleading to the heavens that she wouldn't teach the lesson again.
The next lesson came, and, throughout the semester, we moved onto Oedipus, Antigone, and Prometheus. I allowed myself the freedom of gaining a new perspective, not only from, but of, Mrs. Nehrer. From the beginning, she saw each student as an individual, and wanted to treat them, and trust them, from what she had seen in her class, instead of what she had heard from fellow teachers.
I spoke with Mrs. Nehrer in the hall once. Somehow the topic of the overly-crowded hallways came up. When I was just about to open my mouth and selfishly worry about any tardies that I might get, resulting from the crowd, she sincerely told me that she worried that such a crowd may make it easy to lose one's identity and individuality. While I saw the crowd and saw problems, she saw the crowd and saw people.
Mrs. Nehrer says "Hello, humans", and "Humans, please listen", and other such phrases. I've heard many students make fun of that, or express their frustration with it. I agreed with them, until I understood why she said that. Mrs. Nehrer puts a heavy weight in her lessons on the importance of the individual, and the need to respect others as human beings. When she calls her students "humans", she isn't recognizing their species; she is recognizing their right to be respected as a human being. Now, if you choose not to show her the respect she deserves as your teacher, it makes it harder for her to display her respect for you.
When Sierra Woodward committed suicide last year, Mrs. Nehrer, knowingly against the wishes of the school board, spoke, and led a discussion with my class about the suicide, why the school board would ask the administration to be quiet about it, and how terribly wrong that was. Mrs. Nehrer gave herself the freedom to be upset about the way teachers or administration ran the school, but each time she was vocally upset, it was because she felt the students had been cheated out of something. She has a strong sense of what is right, and what is wrong. If it had been you who had died, and your death that had been quieted, she would be the teacher talking about it.
You may hold no respect for Mrs. Nehrer because she has lost your papers, or because she refers to you as a "human". Or maybe you just don't like the way she scratches her head with her pen. Perhaps it bothers you that she can become so excited about something she'll spend half of the lesson on it. Whatever measurement of respect you hold for Mrs. Nehrer, I know she holds a respect for you. Now, whether or not you deserve that respect is the question. So, who is this an evaluation of- Mrs. Nehrer, or her disgruntled students?

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In Utah it is 7:45. Tiny children are brushing their teeth. Campus couples are sending each other good night kisses over the phone. And I am here, where the time is somewhere between 9:45 and 1:45, racing the sun on my trip to Germany.

Have you ever seen the complete and utter blackout beneath you as you fly over the ocean, at such a dark time of night as this? The sky blends nearly with the horizon and a competitive quest to find who can be the darker blue. The moon hangs ominously in the corner of the horizon, casting a shadowy yellow--- giving light to the dimples in the ripples of the waves.

I pull in the blanket over my hair- pressing it to the corners of the window- in an effort to better inhale the magic of a midnight trans-atlantic flight. The overwhelming aura of suspense and mystery soak the air, giving me a sense of persistent humidity.

Only the light on the tip of the wing blinks rudely into the serenity, sending an explosion of sound into the intervals of foreboding silence. Like the Whos in Whoville, they seem to cry "We are here! We are here!" But they don't understand. They have no sense of respect for the permanence of the scene. While inventions come and go, the ocean, the moon, the ripples will never die. They are the essence of immortality.

Immortal. Man's creations, though we may try, can only be cheap copies of the beauty God has provided us. We are coming to understand that it is only the things that will never die that hold worth. Love will never die. Family will never die. Agency will never die. They won't.

The elegant silk of the seemingly-never-ending fabric of the Atlantic continues to ripple. And it will always be that way. But remember to listen for the crunch of a brittle leaf beneath the heel of your shoe. Remember the sunrises and the sunsets and the moonsets. Remember to pause for the trans-atlantic moments. Remember immortality.

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In order to create a Utopian society, the laws, rules, and regulations you expect to have in the future society, should be carefully integrated into society today. Although the nation may not be able to handle turning an entire leaf over at once, it will be much easier to turn over the leaf, a piece at a time. This may take many years, but will be worth it in the end.
The laws need to be enforced, so the individual knows what is expected of him. It will be terribly important to define the use and reason an individual exists. Each individual must use his or her best ability to contribute to the society. As they each do so, the society will thrive, and thus give back to the individual. In order to do this, we must encourage the individual to discover his or her best way to contribute, while doing something they love.
Leaders of the government must be “elected” based on how their moral standard compares with the future moral standard of your expected Utopia. If we expect to have a society that runs by a law of ethics we have decided upon, then we must have leaders willing to run the nation as such.
We must define basic important units of society, such as the government, and the family, also defining how a good government and family runs, and contributes to the society.
It is also important to define realistic expectations of the individual. If you want people to do something, they need to know what that is. If they don't, they either do nothing, do something different, or do something harmful to the society, none of which benefit what was initially asked.
Cognitive dissonance can help a society expand its ideas, and can retain plasticity of the individual and of the nation as a whole. If the society now can get used to hearing new ideas, and deciding freely what their opinion as a whole of the subject is, they allow themselves room to grow. Healthy conflict can be a tremendous help concerning the growth of the nation. There will need to be new ideas to constantly revise the system to fit the betterment of the people, both as individuals, and as a group.
The community needs to be tight-knit in order for the Utopian society to be useful. When the individual is concerned primarily for his fellow citizens in the nation, he wants to protect them. He wants to care for them. He wants the best for him. This bonding process is crucial for a Utopian society to be successful. Unfortunately, it's my belief that each society has it's own way to become bonded, and there is no “right answer” for how to make the society bonded. Perhaps it is needed to make sure only kind language is presented to each other. I do know, though, that if the community bonds in the belief that one faction of society is lower in status than them, the community will ultimately fail. Hate breeds destruction.
Along with bonding, they need to become (slowly) dependent upon each other. They need to begin to watch out for each other, and know they could have someone to fall back on. Although the prolonging of the nation is more important than the individual, the nation is made up of individuals, and thus must care for the individual also. Whether it means lending a cup of flour, or establishing an organization that will care for the lower working class in the society, each faction must know they are not the sole workers, and that, as they are there to benefit society, society is there to benefit them.
A militia, made of the people, must be set up solely for the protection for the individual and the nation. As the citizens gain confidence that the nation will protect them, and as they see that they have the opportunity to be actively involved in that protection, they will be more inclined to keep those in the community safe.

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At 8:17 on a Tuesday morning, I was convinced that it was the absolute worse day of my life. I am someone who abhors lateness and rejoices in punctuality in all things. In fifth grade, I was even awarded the "Honorary Punctuality Award" for never having had a single tardy or absence. that Tuesday I was late two minutes to Chemistry, destroying my perfect record. And as if that wasn't bad enough, my library book, Summer Reading is Killing Me, was due yesterday and for one reason or another, I had conveniently remembered that morning. But that was all at 8:17.

At 8:19, as I rounded the last corner on my way to class, I ran into Rick Krennar. Books and papers flew everywhere as we bumped heads. I shook the stars out of my eyes, and the bump off my forehead, and was about to yell "Hey, watch where you're going!" when I made a huge mistake: I looked up and saw those dreamy, Tucker-blue eyes staring down at me, a concerned stare clouding his face, and puckering his eyebrows. Why was he concerned? Everything was perfectly fine. Still hazed by my elated astigmatism, I stared around at the textbooks and notes blanketing the floor. My ecstasy broken, I jumped to my knees and began to pick up the mess that had been created by my carelessness, stuffing all I cold find into both the bags. And before I could tell, Rick was gone, leaving me gazing off happily into a distant hallway, a cacophony of papers stuffed and crumpled into my bookbag.

I don't know how long I knelt there, but I do know that by the time I looked down at my watch, I finally came back to my senses. The timepiece read a grim 8:37. There was no way I could walk into class twenty-two minutes late, so there was only one thing to do: deliver the book back to the library. Straightening the chaos in my bag, I searched for the text. I looked six times, but on the seventh try, the book still wouldn't appear.

I was beginning to get frantic when who should come back but Rick. The feeling of wanting to tear out my hair was still fighting with the urge of high school acceptance as he asked me if I was looking for something. I was about to nod-- seeing as how that was all I could do-- when I had a moment. You know, one of those moments where you feel like you understand the answer to everything, and if someone asked you whether the chicken or the egg came first, you could answer with true conviction and full confidence. I stood up, bag in hand, and said, "No. I need to go to the library," thinking that perhaps i had already returned it, as would be in my nature.

Or, at least, "library" is what I meant to say, but at the last moment I looked in his eyes again, and I got weird and said something that oddly resembled "By Mary" or "Primary." Well, Rick smiled- which set me off once more. (Those teeth weren't just perfect; they were divine.) He led me out to his car, and offered me a ride. It wasn't until we pulled up to the Binary Brothers Clock Shop that I realized something was wrong. Turning to tell him that I meant "library", not "Binary", I spied a lone book on the top of the dashboard.

"Oh my gosh! My book!" Rick glanced over and affirmed that he hadn't been sure where he retrieved it from and now understood that it must have been when we bumped into each other. When we got to the library, after a brief explanation with Rick, the woman behind the counter explained that it wasn't due for another three days.

After I fainted, Rick drove me to the hospital and I was treated for shock, but after I awoke, they became suspicious of insanity and sent me to the local mental hospital for a stay of a month. After twenty-seven days of vouchers on my behalf, the doctors were finally convinced that my rantings of books and Chemistry ahd nothing to do with my mental health. Which is the reason I'm here, 25 days late, turning in my book, Summer Reading is Killing Me.

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The past few weeks have been hectic at work. For months we've been scrounging for ANYONE to come in to work as a janitor at American Fork Junior High (so if you know someone who needs a job, we need them.) Anyone who comes in usually quits within the next couple days. We had a "full crew" as of a week ago, fortunately, because with one slacker and one boy with mono, and two girls it was hard to clean the entire school, satellite included. Zach- kid with mono- was gone for two weeks. Andrew- slacker- isn't even allowed on my side of the school when at all possible because of a sexual harassment charge I sent against him. Aleena and I get along fine, but she's got anxiety HUGE which means some days she can't come in because it gets that bad. She's gotten better though. One day Zach and I were the only workers, and Zach's in charge of cleaning the satellite, which meant it was only me in the "main building" which includes everything from the library to the band room. :P Matthew, my boss, cleans the gyms, and Eddy, who I keep forgetting- as does he- that he's my equal, cleans all the hallways. So, you get the picture. We had a short crew. Well, a couple weeks ago, a guy, Corey, decided to give it a try. We gave him two days tops. Well, he's here... but I swear he's only come in six days-- tops. He comes in when he wants to, and when he does come in, we often find his rooms, garbages, or restrooms to be a mess. :P Then, last week a girl named Katie came in to try it out. Seems she had already worked there, had had a mental breakdown, and headed out to Arkansas without telling anyone until much, much later. So, much later, she came back to try work again. Guess what? one day working, and we haven't seen her since... We're guessing she's in Arkansas.

So, a week of cleaning the worst rooms upstairs, and cleaning rooms downstairs, and teachers are ticked. Mrs. Memmott, one of the women i clean for, asked me on Thursday if someone was going to vacuum her room. I said, "I'm not sure. I haven't asked Matthew yet." "Well, it needs to be done." "I know. We're shorthanded right now." "Well, it hasn't been done for at least three days. It's bad." (Liar. I vacuumed it very well two days ago.) "Okay, well, I hope I can clean it today." "'Kay, please do." Jeez. So, that night I cleaned all the teachers' rooms who asked for theirs to be done and one English room that's always trashed, and then headed downstairs to clean the wood and metal shops. Friday I came into work and Matthew said "'Kay, we've got to clean all the rooms upstairs. Robert (his boss) yelled at me today because teachers are complaining right and left." Okey dokey, Matthew. I was ticked out of my skull. I swear I've said "I'm sorry we can't do your room tonight. We're overstaffed." at least 200 hundred times in the past two weeks. Rebecca Underwood, a good friend of mine, and a teacher I vacuum for, spoke with me on Friday. I explained to her that I was angry because I'm getting flak for not having cleaned rooms I never had time to clean, and I was angry at the teachers for complaining continually. Her response was this: "You shouldn't be getting flak for it, and it's too bad you are, but, from the faculty's point of view, when we hear over and over that you're understaffed, we think 'then get staffed!'. I mean, it may be hard, but it's do-able." Okay, so it was good to hear a different perspective, but I was only angrier because I have a STRONG loyalty to Matthew, only the best boss I will ever have, and felt that he had been duly attacked as he is the one who is trying to hire people. As you can see from the situation described in the first paragraph, we have been SCROUNGING, GRASPING, and DYING just to get SOMEONE, ANYONE, SOMEBODY, ANYBODY into our school as the newbie janitor. When I saw Rebecca later, I told her PART of the reason no one wants to be a janitor: the bathrooms.

THIS NEXT PARAGRAPH IS NOT FOR THE QUEASY OF STOMACH!!! IT'S BEARABLE, BUT NOT FOR THOSE WHO ARE QUICK TO REGURGITATE!!!









NO, I'M SERIOUS. IF YOU'RE WEAK-BOWELED, DO NOT CONTINUE!!









KAY, IT'S YOUR DECISION. WHAT'S TO BE SAID IS QUITE, QUITE BEARABLE, IF, AND ONLY IF, YOU AREN'T EASILY-SICKENED.

Aleena- who is a good friend of mine, and works upstairs with me- and I were talking about the bathrooms the other day. We decided something: THEY'RE BORING!! I've worked there over a year, and her for about 8 months, and you get so used to them, that the general urine, defecation, brown tampon bags, toilets, and urinals become routine. They're the slowest part of the day. So, when we find abnormalities, we usually joke about it, but rarely exclaim, "Oh my gosh, that's DISGUSTING!!" with a need to leave the room so we don't throw up. For instance, we 'recycle' the Maxi-pad bags. Aleena and I joke about "MAN, these girls had a BAD day today!!", but don't hesitate (quick notice: we have gloves on during ALL of this for a good, healthy reason) to pick up a blood-soaked Maxi pad, or wipe off a bloody toilet, boys' or girls' bathroom. Pictures and profanities on bathroom stalls bother me, but don't shock me as much as they used to. (speaking of which, to any junior-high age girl reading this, PLEASE, if you are in a relationship with a boy, BE CAREFUL HE WON'T SPREAD YOUR ACTIVITIES AROUND, EXAGGERATED OR NOT. You deserve more than that!!) A week ago I did have a situation that shocked and disgusted me. One boy had defecated on the floor next to the toilet, and there was a heaping pile of feces laying where I was to mop. I can't mop it up like that. I didn't know what to do, so I did what I knew I had to. I picked up the pile, and tried to put it in the toilet. Unfortunately, I missed, and had to pick it up again, and put it in. On Friday-in the midst of my frustration- I found a swastika on a boy's bathroom stall written in their own poop along with a gang sig. and several obscenities. Who does things like this?!! Occasionally I'll find a note on a bathroom stall that makes me think, "This girl will slit her wrists tonight." I get to be the one to wipe whatever her statement may be off the wall, as though her pain, as though she herself, didn't exist. A little less extreme, but still saddening, I once found a sentence that said "There is no such thing as love" Below it had ensued a heated discussion. Sans the profanity- which there was plenty of- it went something like this:

"Yes it does! Just because you've never been loved!"
"Yeah, don't be stupid!"
"You brat!"
"How dare you say something like that!!"

The conversation continued. I remember one of the things that disgusted me the most was the boy's urinals. Few days have I NOT found gum, or wrappers, or other trash in the urinal for me to pick up for them. Once in a blue moon, I'll find a chip bag filled with urine and soggy chips. Yum, Doritos... In the girl's bathroom, the bathroom stall discussion will go something like this: "I hate Tyler." "I love Jacob Collins." "Don't touch him, brat! He's MINE! I'm going with him!" "This girl is such a brat." "Oh, I know. She's such a skank." "I hate her!!!! She gets around!" And an occasional smart alec such as myself who writes "Go read a book." (Sometimes I like to leave comments like that last one up for a few days. Hahaha. Once I saw the popular lyrics, "If everyone cared, and nobody cried, If everyone loved, and nobody lied, If everyone shared and swallowed their pride, Then we'd see the day that nobody died." of Nickelback.

My point? After a couple days in this job, nobody wants this job. So, teachers, faculty, counselors, administration, be a little more patient when your janitor tells you they can't vacuum your room because they're understaffed. When you start feeling frustrated, ask your high school-age sibling to start working at your school as a janitor. This will ease up their burden and allow for more time to clean your room. The bathrooms aren't fun to clean, but you'll get used to it for the most part. And when you're not, you pick up the poo, and move on. Hey, you get paid for it.

The Few, the Bold, the Proud, the Janitor.

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Shirley Mason was, among other things, forced to endure a nightly object rape and enema from her mother. We know her as "Sybil Dorsett." We also know her as the remarkable 16 personalitied miracle! Through the counseling of Dr. Cornelia Wilbur, Sybil was able to re-integrate the selves into a new "Sybil." The book about this story, by Flora Rheta Schreiber, and the movie, with Joann Woodward and Sally Field, are two of my favorites. They are both emotionally wrenching, and difficult to read/watch. They extract a vast amount of pain, memory, anger, and empathy from the reader/viewer. I would definitely say that this is a difficult story. Friends who have watched the movie in psychology (thank you, Mr. Wagstaff), are horrified and believe that the movie is an unnecessary retelling of a story we can only learn pain from. While I cannot agree with a publication of a story, whose sole purpose is a retelling (*koff A Child *ahem* Called It *koffkoff*), there are many things that can be learned from the story of Sybil Dorsett.


First of all, in the psychological stance, Dissociative Identity Disorder (formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder) can be cured, or at least dealt with. Sybil was one of a few case studies that led us, as psychologists, solidly to the conclusion that victims of such a mental disorder are not helpless cases. Through extensive counseling, and possibly medication, they can integrate, like Sybil, the other selves, as to become a more complete being. As a note for those reading this post, MPD was renamed DID because of the misconception it created. The personalities are not separate people altogether. Rather, they are fragments of the core personality. Two of Sybil's personalities, Peggy Lou and Peggy Ann, were parts of the original Sybil. They were the parts of Sybil that were angry, and that were afraid, because Sybil, as a child, could not handle the intense fear and anger that she was feeling. Putting them into separate identities (or so it seemed) made it "safer" for her because she did not have to deal with those emotions. The personalities of someone with DID are a kind of barrier, usually put up to deal with the extreme stresses of life.


Another thing we can learn from Sybil is bravery. Not only through her early years as a child under her mother's thumb, but later, dealing with the disorder, she was a brave woman. She would not have thought of herself as it, but what would it take to continue to live, even though you don't know what will happen tomorrow, or even if you will be 'awake' for tomorrow. (When another self would 'take over', Sybil would not be... there. It was as if she hadn't lived during that time. She may wake up in a place she feels she's never been before. When she was in third grade, her grandmother died. She "left" at the funeral, and "woke up" two years later, when she was in fifth grade. During those two years, Peggy Ann had 'taken over.' This later caused many problems with Sybil's math skills, because she had not been present to learn many basic skills.) A barrier such as this one, does not indicate that Sybil was running away from a horrible reality, rather, she was protecting herself from it, so that she could better endure it.


There is a third thing we can learn from Sybil's story. Not all mothers were meant to raise children. Sybil was an only child. Before Sybil's birth, a doctor told Willard and Hattie, Sybil's parents, that Hattie was schizophrenic and unable to raise a child. Willard was an extreme traditionalist, and believed that all women were born with the genes to raise a child, and that the woman must do so. Hattie had grown up underneath her father's discouraging thumb, and gave in to Willard's insisting. She would raise the child. Although all women were originally made to have children, and many have the ability to raise a child, it is important to remember that, due to mental or emotional health-- as well as physical-- a woman may not be able to be a "successful" mother.


As a fourth and final lesson of what Sybil's story can teach, I'd like to speak on reality. Reality is not bad; it is not good. It is elation, and it is depression. It is the devil, and it is God. It is everything that is true. Everyone has their own reality. I will see Sybil's story different than any of you reading this post will see her story. Neither of us are completely right, yet, because we are both coming from completely different points of view. But Sybil's story is a part of reality. Abuse happens. It happens all around us. As a victim of abuse, I know it does. It happens in Chicago, in L.A., in Detroit, in Salt Lake City, in Happy Valley, and, for Sybil, in a little town in the middle of Wisconsin. This is a part of reality. As we focus on reality, we can change it. If we never look for what is wrong-- with the intent to change it into the better-- then it will never change.


Sybil has a lot to teach us, as does every story of all the people that surround us. Shirley Ann Mason went on to serve a successful, happy life. That's the true, final lesson. Things get better, as things get worse, if we stick to God's precepts. Heal for you. Find the truth. Find reality.

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I recently heard the song “Damaged” by Plumb. The song is a narrative from a woman's point of view. She had been sexually abused as a child, and is now dealing with misplaced ideologies, controversial emotions, and actions she knows she now has to take. As I listen to the song, a solemn feeling goes through my mind, and questions wash over my aching brain. The first, and almost cliché, inquiry is “Why would this happen?” Questions lead to more questions. “Does this happen because the victims need to better themselves?” “Why does someone's choice create negative consequences for so many people?”
In the song the woman says that she's working towards “forgiveness for a man who was stronger.” In the physical aspect, I'm sure this man was much stronger than she was as a “little girl”, but the fact that she's alive, thinking, and trying to sort out questions, has me wondering “Who is stronger, the perpetrator who forces physically, or the victim who endures emotionally?” “What is strength?”, I begin to ask myself, and “Do I have strength?” “Is there a difference between being strong and having strength?”
One of the focuses of the song is that the woman strongly believes she is “damaged”, and can be of no help to others now because she's so hung up on being stuck where she is. I strongly believe there is immense value in the knowledge we can acquire from our experiences. This leads me to ask “When is a person sincerely damaged? Is there anything we can do to heal them, if they are damaged?” When we know we can not go back and change the initial event, does the event itself aide in “damaging” us? Is it the experience itself that damages people, or is it having to live with the consequences of the action that “damages” us? If it's the nightmares, or the flashbacks, or the rampant, intrusive emotions that eventually 'kill' a person's will to try, what can be done to prevent those? Can they be prevented? Should we prevent them, or should we allow a learning experience to take place?
In part of the chorus, she says “I'm scared, and I'm alone. I'm ashamed, and I need for you to know I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say, and you can't take back what you've taken away.” Many times, I've felt like my emotions would never change from where they were at that moment. It can be very scary to think that you will always feel alone, enough so, that you eventually begin to be convinced that you are alone. I wonder who could open up, and connect with this woman so she feels less alone. If we were to get all the junk out of the closet, stereotypes could dissipate. We might feel more accepted and normal. We all have our backpack full of 'stuff'. Should we show it to the world? How could that change attitudes concerning abuse victims?
A verse near the beginning of the song, states that “healing comes so painfully and it chills to the bone.” She goes on to ask “Won't anyone get close to me? I'm damaged, as I'm sure you know.” How patient do we need to be with healing to see that, though painful, it puts us in a more complete state? Are there times where we need to say 'hurry up', or should we let ourselves take it one step at a time, the entire time? Is there a social insecurity towards insecurity, particularly abuse? Why is it that, when people discover someone's past, they wonder if they want to be a part of their future? Are there valid reasons we ought to be 'afraid' of making contact with people like this, or are those reasons stereotypical, and harsh? Is it the events or the people that should be generalized?
In the end of the song, the narrator is adamant about not 'looking back' but still 'going on'. I wonder if it's possible to 'go on' sufficiently without 'looking back', and learning. Is looking back more destructive or helpful? Does the future need the past? How can we change the future by observing the past? Can we change our observations of the past, as we use our current observations to change the present? She sings that 'true love is a fairy tale', and yet sings 'I'm damaged; how would I know?' If she could look at true love differently than what she was taught, could it have a difference on her future as a wife, as a mother, as a woman, as a human being?
She's obviously second guessing herself. I wonder how constructive that is for her. Do our second-guesses of our own decisions affect those around us? When we're parents, if our children see us second-guessing ourselves, they could see that it's a natural thing to do. The earlier they begin to second-guess themselves, the worse. Do our second-guesses encourage and spur others' second guesses?
From the song, I get the impression that the woman would almost like to feel numb to the situation. She would like to have it over with. Do feelings buried alive, die? If so, are there only certain personality types who can do that, or is that option open to everyone? If feelings are buried, did they ever truly exist? Is it the same with trespassing-events? If someone is not affected by the heinous abuse suffered as a child, and yet another is psychotic, purely from mild abuse as a child, should the first offender be punished less than the second because the consequences weren't as horrific? Do we judge in America by the choice or the consequence? Concerning abuse, are the courts keeping up with justice? Is justice a forgotten dream?
Sexual abuse and rape are increasingly rampant. 'Though never spoken of, rarely pointed out, and only occasionally questioned, this is a problem that affects us all. The shame and fear may be evident, but what can we do to aid those who feel afraid and shameful?

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In Plato's "Allegory of the Cave", a segment from his Republic, he addresses a key problem in society. Reality, particularly painful realities, have become taboo. Most citizens today live on in an optimistic world of illusionary pleasure and false protection. Few know that the only way to defeat a problem (because problems do arise when reality is ignored) is to look it straight in the eye.
Plato begins his allegory by explaining to his audience where the greater portion of humanity lies: in a cave, chained to a wall, only glimpsing shadows- reflections of an outside world. Those chained pass their time arguing over, analyzing, and describing the shadows, assuming that 1) because they are the only thing they have seen with their own eyes, the shadows are as real as the rocks of the cave, that 2) by analyzing the shadows, they are attacking reality, or the problems the shadows represent, and that 3) because everyone is talking about the shadows, the popular opinion is correct, making the shadows all the more real.
Society has held down humanity with its chains, fettering our heads and necks, limiting our peripheral vision. But what if something happened to break the chains, jolt the neck braces, and cast off our blinders? There are those who will then stretch their joints, and follow the source of the shadows. Others will continue to sit and stare, not realizing they are free to roam, while still others, with a panicked understanding, will frantically jam metal to metal, attempting to lock the chains back together.
Those who do stand to walk away, will not all discover the source, for the moment they 'round the corner of the wall, a jolting pain will seize them. Some will go on. Some will go back, screaming of the terrible pain that lies around the wall. Not all who can stand and peer around the side of the wall will continue. Very few indeed will be able to have the endurance, courage, and strength to continue. The pain comes from the fact that they are unaccustomed to such an uncomfortable change. Few have the patience to wait for a better time.
So much truth at one time will blind, disorient, and confuse. Where before they could see shadows, now they can see nothing. When one has the courage to press forward, creaking their still stiff joints, they begin to slowly come into focus. A resilient leader knows that the knowledge that comes after a time, however, brings much joy and much confusion. It is rarely an unhappy moment when we can finally face reality in the eye, ready to take on whatever. Those who discover such knowledge will be eager to share it with the brotherhood of the cave.
Unfortunately, often the only way to convince those staying in the cave that what they've known is an illusion is to yank them out into the light, blinding them momentarily. Confusion and pain abounds when one discovers that all he has been taught is as useful as a wisp of smoke. It is hard to realize that everything you thought you knew was a lie.
As they press forward together, into the midst of reality, or the problem itself, it becomes all the more irritable. "He will require to grow accustomed to the light." He will need time. And finally, when he can see the sun, when he can see pure reality, he can see himself truly for the first time. Once again, he'll want to help his fellow cave-dwellers, bringing them into a painful, joyful existence- a life of potential. With a lack of knowledge, however, he alone would understand what the shadows represented. The cave dwellers would say he was a fraud and foolish, blinded by the light, or that the pain was too great, and that those who forced this pain upon another ought to be punished, perhaps even killed.
I see that this has happened with the subject of rape. It has become so taboo, that those who do talk about it, speak of it in code, not really attacking the problem. We pretend to fight it by creating the shadow called "self defense for women classes." This shadow doesn't address the root of the problem. It avoids it, pretending we didn't dodge it, giving us the opportunity and excuse to feel good, as though we actually helped, when in reality we did very little. If we were to create a prevention course for men, and a stricter rule on rapists in prison, we would be closer to attacking the root of the problem- the men. But this would cause pain; this would require us to move into the light.
Our society has turned back from the light as well on this topic. In 1987, America began to address the problems of date, acquaintance, and campus rape. The news coverage grew heavily concerning it. People were beginning to talk. By 1993, however, magazines such as Newsweek and Time were coming out with new articles with headlines such as “Rape Hype” and “Sexual Correctness”, arguing that rape was nonexistent, and that it was only a result of a prude woman and overreaction of the female. One woman even wrote a book called The Morning After, arguing a similar concept. Society has slowly begun to emerge from its nervous chrysalis, but for the most part, we are scrambling to connect the chains of society together again.
Thinking comes at a price. We have been taught not to think. Those who fight are called dirty names, and become “bad boys” and “bad girls.” It is tough to take your time thinking, but it must happen! It must happen for our world to progress. Our leaders must think, but they cannot think for us.

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