Optical Allusionist

Two Lists of Teachings or Practices of the LDS Church that I Intend to Continue or Discontinue Incorporating Into My Life

Even though I no longer affiliate myself with the organization The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and I do not consider myself to be one of their members, there are traditions, practices, and teachings that I will continue to keep in my life, and will one day teach my children. Some of these are specific to the Church, like the Primary songs I'll be singing to my children, and some of them are not tied specifically to the Church, like the belief that one should ponder things out in our hearts or the belief that we must love one another. In my own way, even though I no longer consider myself Mormon, I'll always be a Mormon girl.

The following two lists, (the first being a list of traditions, aspects, or teachings I intend to keep, the second being a list of traditions, aspects, or teachings I no longer believe and will no longer be continuing to incorporate into my life, and intend to not incorporate into my family's life) are not meant to offend or hurt. This is for the sake of honest communication, as, over the course of the past 9 months, I have had many people ask me why I'm leaving, or why I no longer feel I can support the Church. Most of my answer has been to the reason of "I found in a higher way of thinking, that being gay was okay, and after that I realized I could no longer coincide with the Church", but it is somewhat more complicated than that--- which you found, if you questioned me further. If you're one of those people, this is your answer.

I understand that people on both sides of the spectrum will disagree with a couple things I have listed, and that's okay. This list is not meant definitively, nor is it meant in terms of being a list of the good or bad of Mormonism. Honestly, few may agree and that's okay because this list was my list, not your list, and I imagine that if you were to create a list, I would not agree with everything on that list either. We're two separate people, and that's how it's supposed to be. If you see yourself being very hurt or very angry, you have my permission to stop at anytime throughout the text.

You will notice that the list of things I will continue to incorporate into my life is longer than those I don't. However, most listed in the second list are more important to me, and most listed in the first list are not equivocally tied to the Church. I do not intend to join or attend any church that agrees with many of the things on the second list. It's nothing against the Mormon Church, as much as it is that my beliefs do not match up/line up with the teachings of the Mormon Church. I believe that God would best support me supporting a religion that I agree with, rather than staying with one that I don't upon the hope that I will receive exaltation.

I know some of you will not agree with me having posted this note, and if that's the case, for heaven's sake, keep it to yourselves. Nothing will profit you from telling me that you don't think I should have done something I already did. AND, if you don't think it should have been posted, you probably weren't the ones it was directed to, so don't worry about it: you don't have to read it.

On a side note, if there are any things you feel I have left out, because I know I must have, leave a comment at the bottom (I responded to things that have been on my mind, and mostly the list of gospel topics on lds.org), and I'll be sure to edit the note and address that point. If you are offended, angry, or hurt, please don't leave divisive or negative comments about it. I will delete your comment. This is a list of my beliefs, and I hope you can respect that it is as perfectly acceptable for me to be appropriately vocal about my lack of belief in those men being prophets, as it is for you to be vocal in your belief that they are indeed prophets. If you have a question, or want something clarified, I am willing to discuss, not to debate, over facebook message, or over email at krazykiddz@gmail.com. Remember, too, that there may come a time in that discussion that we will simply have to accept that we will not agree.

I'll tag some people in this note, not as a list of people who this was directed to, but rather as a list of who I would like to look over the list. I want some feedback, and I want to be reasonably challenged so I can verify once more what I believe, (i.e. Can I back it up?) since I believe the questioning of one's beliefs is a positive attribute.

Now, to continue with my list:




Beliefs and/or Practices I Will Continue to Incorporate Into My Life


* Their approach to abuse: encouraging forgiveness w/ the correct timing, while encouraging justice and healing w/o self-blame

* The belief (*T b) that everyone experiences grief and adversity, and that we all deal with it in our own time, in our own way

* T b that you can live out eternity with the one you are wholly committed to (difference of opinion, however, on how best to show that commitment, or how to join the club on who gets to live it out)

* T b that women should only get an abortion if they cannot emotionally or physically handle the pregnancy or birthing

* T b that each person has the ability to choose (free agency) (differences of opinion, however, on what the best choices are to choose)

* I'll be singing primary songs, like my mother sung to me, to my children. I will also continue to sing many of the hymns from the LDS hymnal.

* T b that it is severely important to learn how to love one another

* So far, I still definitely think that Joseph Smith was a prophet.

* T b that men will not be punished for Adam's transgression

* T b that there are certain universal laws that all men must live by (however, difference of opinion on what those laws are)

* T b that all men ought to have the right to practice religion as they wish, as long as it is not directly harmful to people or animals

* T b (in terms of doctrine, not necessarily that of all their actions) that it is right to be good to people, to be friendly, tolerant of others' beliefs, to be honest-- which is what I'm doing w/ these lists--, to be generous, to not hurt your fellow men, women, children, animals, or the world we live on.

* T b that birth control is between the two beings in question, and whatever they feel is right, however and wherever they may discover their answer from.

* T b that there is a higher and a lower afterlife. I believe that there are degrees of the afterlife that vary in terms of each person, and each family. I believe that families continue on into forever, but that a "family" is not necessarily meant in terms of "a group that is connected by marriage or blood", but rather "loved ones who support each other and hold each other up with a degree of commitment", but that those loved ones can and often are related to each other through marriage or blood.

* T b that a couple (homo & heterosexual, which is a difference of opinion) can obtain the ultimate commitment and should show that commitment in the best way they feel possible, and that adultery is unequivocally wrong. The utmost respect and commitment should be shown to those who you are thus bonded to.

* T b that people should only begin dating upon reaching a mature level. However, I think it is more of a personal matter, and whether that level is mostly or always reached at age 16, or not, I'm not sure.

* T b that we can see our loved ones after death.

* T b that there is most definitely evil in the world, but not necessarily that it is encouraged by one evil source (a.k.a. the devil)

* Except for things like receiving an education, avoid debt at all costs

* T b that under the correct circumstances, as they range from abuse to irreconcilable differences, divorce is appropriate as long as it is done in the right way

* T b that receiving an education, men and women, is of the utmost importance. For whatever/whoever you plan (or upon the incidence of an accident) to bring into this world, be sure you can support them.

* T b that there are things that we can do to strengthen our families.

* T b that it is important to be prepared, whether that be with a savings plan, or having food storage.

* T b that to forgive is a divine (or a higher) attribute

* T b that it is important to connect with our ancestors

* T b that gratitude is a divine (higher) attribute

* T b that true honesty, with one's self, with respectful honesty with those around you, is a higher attribute

* T b that a higher way of thinking would seek for us to find true happiness, which can be found inside of us upon making the right decisions. (however, difference of opinion on what those right decisions are. For instance, now that I've chosen to be true to myself as a gay woman, I'm much happier... but the Church would not consider that a choice that would make me ultimately happier-- I disagree)

* T b that humility is a higher attribute (however, there comes a time when we must stop apologizing and we must choose to be direct)

* T b that judgments must be guided with righteous intentions and guidelines (however, difference in opinion on who is supposed to judge, what they're allowed to do what those judgments, and what those guidelines are)

* T b that we all have access to obtain personal revelation through a higher way of thinking.

* T b that sacrifice can help us obtain a closer connection to that higher way of thinking.

* T b that the service of those we love, and those in our community, as well as those in other communities-- with similar or dissimilar beliefs to ours-- is necessary for the well-being of humanity and it is necessary for personal growth.

* I will continue, as I can, attending appropriate religious services, in hopes of coming closer, through greater introspection, to that higher thinking.

* We both (the Church and I) believe in peace, but will accept war when necessary.



Beliefs and/or Practices I Will Discontinue Incorporating Into My Life


* The belief that the priesthood (as in "the power of God, and the right to act in his name") was meant for men, and that they have a closer connection with God because of it-- I believe that this connection is equally accessible to both men and women and is something that is internally acquired, not acquired through an ordination

* T b that the leadership of the church is made up of prophets. I believe that they have as much of an access to Godly knowledge (a higher way of thinking) as any of us, but I believe that sometimes they have a closer connection due to the amount of time they spend focusing on the cultivation of that connection. Mostly, I believe they talk with God, but they do not speak for God. They are men who are subject to their own prejudices

* T b that consumption of a mild amount of alcohol or drugs is morally wrong

* There are several scriptural references that I, and much of the educated world, differ, due to some significant translational evidence, in opinion in terms of the Church's scriptural interpretations.

* T b that baptism by water is currently necessary to enter into their ideal afterlife. I believe it was once a symbolic fulfillment of what many call "conversion", but it is more accurately a specific change that occurs in us that qualifies us.

* T b that both the King James Version of the bible is an accurate translation (as we are constantly finding new discoveries that give us greater insight into the translation of words, and the belief that the Book of Mormon is unequivocally the Word of God. HOWEVER, in order for something to qualify as the word of God, in my belief, it need only follow what the Lord teaches, and because I find many similar teachings in what I find with God, and what I find in the Book of Mormon, my belief is that there is much to glean from reading the Book of Mormon.

* T b that the 10 tribes will converge in America

* T b that faith (as in the un or little questioned trust that those who claim to be prophets of God, speak for God) is a Godly attribute. I believe that God, or any higher being of high morality, would hope that we would not just pray and be faithful that the answer we feel we have gotten was right, but that we would study it, as Joseph Smith did. Jesus had his doubts, so he studied them for the answers, as he tried to keep his connection to the higher way of thinking, through what many would consider to be "prayer". Only through questioning and truly finding out for one's self, can one be truly at peace with their beliefs.

* Body piercing, the consumption of coffee & tea, swearing (done in the correct setting), acquiring tattoos, these are personal choices. Pretty sure God is still going to be okay with you if you've got a nose ring, as long as you've been good and kind and loving and accepting.

* I believe that fornication and adultery are two separate issues, as adultery deals with a heart wrenching dishonesty and the breaking of an utmost commitment. Polyamory is different than adultery, and very similar to polygamy. Polyamory is the belief-- held by both/all in the relationship-- that it is possible to love and to fulfill this utmost commitment with multiple people.

* T b that we must unequivocally follow all laws of the government. Sometimes riots, boycotts, necessary force is... necessary. Only sometimes, but... yeah. Mostly, I agree with shooting down a bad government, whether it be by the law or not. By the law first, then, if it's not working after a long amount of time, you take whatever means necessary.

* T b that homosexuality is more morally wrong than heterosexuality. I believe that anything wrong with homosexuality is wrong with heterosexuality (i.e. adultery)

* T b that marriage is the only right way to show a perfect commitment to who you share that ultimate commitment with.

* I absolutely cannot agree with the patriarchal order, as I believe it makes the woman second class in the relationship.

* T b that only in the LDS temple, and only through the ordinations accomplished there, can you be sealed with your family, and be with them for forever.

* T b that there is only one right way to live our lives, that there is only one path to "heaven"



* "T b" stands for "The belief..."

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I had a dream once- oh, a year or so ago, and this is how it goes. These men came to work on our lawn. It was late at night, and everyone (including Brother Maddox, me, my family, friends, these two guys, etc) was outside. We saw these tracks that formed a path through my back yard. They actually resembled the handcart tracks I'd been staring at just weeks before (for trek :D) These men had put them there. It made me so mad to see thesetracks. I loved my back yard, and they had ruined it. So I started saying "You ruined our lawn! You ruined our lawn! You ruined our lawn!" I ran to mymom and nearly in tears said "He ruined my lawn!" She just raised her eyebrows, nodded and shrugged her shoulders. I couldn't believe how apathetic she was being. It was our lawn!! Eyes brimming with tears and anger, I picked up a shovel, and ran hard at him screaming all the way "You ruined my lawn! You ruined my lawn!" I maneuvered the shovel back behind my shoulders, ready to swing and cut cleanly into his head. I could almost feel it slice through his skull and brains already. I loved it. I swung. My arms weakened along with my anger, melting into a sickening jolt of self-disgust. Though the swing had started out hard, it never did reach the man. I dropped the shovel, fell to my knees, head in my palms, bawling. So much confusion. There was so little of me that was disgusted with my near-attempted murder, so much that was disgusted that I couldn't kill this man. But I couldn't. Soon after, I saw the man hand his co-worker a knife, ready to use it on my family. Even then, I knew I'd discovered that I couldn't kill him, no matter how much I wanted it because of the sliver of me that didn't want to hurt that man. I felt nauseous with guilt. I hated myself for not being able to murder him. My eyes red and swollen, and my body shaking as I continued to cry hard into my hands, I felt encompassed with a sickening essence of failure. I was a failure. A failure. That's about all I remember of the dream.

I guess we know what the path is, and what I'm really referring to when I say "lawn", but that scares me. He made a path in my life. Talking to him put me in a position of power. It meant I could make or break him. I chose to make him, and I hope I was successful.

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If you construct things in your mind, you can construct them in reality. (as long as they are not against the laws of nature or laws of God)

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A month or so ago, my seminary teacher had us write down some things we would tell loved ones if we could. I wanted to tell y'all these:
.
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Sometimes sadness is a potential for happiness

Bad things happen, but we can come out on top, as long as we stay near Christ.

Pain can help us grow, but only if we allow it to grow.

The word "suffer" has two meanings

God loves you and always will- no matter how you're feeling

He is always near

Learn of his love, and learn to love Him.

Your connection to reality is your connection to God

God is at the center to all solutions. If you find him, you will find the solution.

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June 5, 2006

In English last year, Miss McCormick had us read a poem and respond to the mood. I read this, and I had to write it to y'all, and ask what y'all thought.


"Moments"

"All People are worth knowing." How interesting. I agree. Even people that hurt you, you can learn a lesson from them. A lesson of love and forgiveness. The best friends are when you come away benefited. A little better. A little wiser. for knowing them. Sometimes it can be hard to keep up the pace. But someone will come along, and you will be all the wiser. You will have the ability to identify true love. Maybe it doesn't have to be your eternal companion. Sometimes it's someone you only see for a fraction of a moment. A moment of your lifetime can last for a lifetime. Do your best. Hold on.



Yeah, I'm not entirely sure what inspired the last two sentences, but what they hey. I was so naive! So fifteen! ;D Hahaha, jk. Anyways, what DO you guys think? Do you think "all people are worth knowing"?

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June 6, 2006

(This is for you Bob ;)) haha, I'm just kidding- it's for everyone
What are you afraid of? Seriously, look into your heart of hearts and ask yourself, "What am I running away from?"

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August 19, 2006

In the song "Some People Change", originally sung by Kenny Chesney (but I prefer Montgomery Gentry's version), it addresses a racist and an alcoholic, but I think change goes deeper than the obvious situations. The verses are intriguing in the song, but it's the chorus that sparks my interest the most:

"Here's to the strong! Thanks to the brave!
Don't give up hope- Some people change!
Against all odds, against the grain,
Love finds a way- Some people change!"

It particularly makes me think of an old friend. When he was young he got mixed up in something he knew he ought not to do. And now, years later, I'm discovering that people can change. He's not perfect, and sometimes the imperfect parts of him frustrate me completely, but as I learn patience, (sheesh, that's hard) I learn what a sensitive young man he is. It's hard to change ideologies that have been deeply embedded into the heart and mind about him, but I try to be patient with myself and with him. Both are hard. A house divided can not stand. We are told to love everyone, and that can be really, really hard. I don't think God looks at us when we say "it is a hard thing you ask us to do" and say "Jerk, why dontcha do them anyways. I don't care if it's hard. It's what I asked you to do!" He understands that it's hard, but he still expects it of us. He takes us in His arms and helps (if we allow Him to) us work out our problem.

In the new Joseph Smith movie, there's a point where Brother Joseph is playing a stick pull with an "unbeatable", boastful neighbor. Before the stick pull begins, Joseph winks and says something like "Sometimes we must be put low before the Lord can pull us higher." I've experienced both. And I try not to underestimate either- the tremendous struggle, and the tremendous blessing. ... And, y'know, I know the two are separate, but the struggle can be the blessing, and the blessing can be the struggle. But I originally meant the two to be quite seperate. I know I spelled "seperate" twice two different ways- Oh well. ?: )

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August 19, 2006

I have a friend that's quite a bit older than me. (Hahaha, I have a few of them) She has children and is worried to the extreme about keeping them safe. When she was younger (I don't know how young) she had an experience that was abusive (and that is the extent of my knowledge on her past life concerning the subject) I haven't talked with her a lot lately- I don't see her a lot, and when I do the conversation goes sort of like this:

"How are you?"
"I'm fine"
"Cool... Are you excited for school to start?"
"Yep. A little nervous, but it'll be good... How about you?"
"Yep, everything's good."
"Cool"
"Yep"

Shelly's my name, superficial's my game. There's so much I want to tell her though. I don't want to tell her nothing will happen to her kids 'cause things happen when we don't realize it. But I want her to not give up hope! I want her to know there are things before and after abuse that can be done to help. I feel so inadequate in the subject. I want to tell her God loves her and her children, and even though He can't choose for those who would hurt them, He is SO willing to help with their healing!! I want to tell her all the little protection clues I've heard over and over: explain appropriate touching, if you feel uncomfortable tell an adult, etc. I want to tell her that things that seem small may be SO significant- maybe not in keeping them initially safe, but in keeping them strong. Scripture reading and prayer are so key in strength!!! In the Ensign (for August or July 2006) the visiting teaching message was SO not thorough. In fact, it was ridiculously idealistic. It stated that scripture reading (family and personal) and prayer (f & p) would keep children safe. WRONG!! The 'perfect' family with the 'perfect' parents and the 'perfect' children can still have something happen to them!! In fact, adversity is a given in this life, so guess what- they WILL have "something happen"! I want to tell her that leaders - school, church, extracurricular, etc - can help IMMENSELY!! I want to tell her that therapy is a good idea if the situation ever occurs. I want to tell her that, if her bishop is good, then she can turn to him. (Some bishops are horrible. I have a friend who was sexually abused as a child who can not turn to her cold, angry bishop, or her distant young women's president.... So Sad!) I want to tell her that no matter what God is there!

I wrote a letter telling her all these things and more. I read it to my mom, asking if I should send it, but she says (is this bad or good?) that it sounded like I was a therapist... which I guess is quite the compliment seeing as how I'm going to be a clinical psychologist, but I wanted to be a friend, not a counselor. Oh well. But I did write her a letter thanking her for a conversation we had on forgiveness. Unfortunately I had to get to work in like half an hour and I still had to eat and shower, etc. So I ran up to her out of breath, gave her the letter, said "This is for you", looked at her for a sec, gave her a hug, and ran off. Sigh, I've been trying to reach her since Thursday (when I gave it to her) but have been unable to... I guess we'll see what happens, huh?

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August 30, 2006

Do you know me? I wonder if you do. I wonder if I do! There are many "Shelly Steele"s. There's the one who stands up in front of the young women and smiles and is a I'm-never-sad-Shelly, or a 'good example', or a I'm-here-to-help-Shelly. In classes when I crack a joke, no one laughs. Other kids who are joking all the time say something entirely unfunny and everybody laughs. Why do I have to fit the freakin' norm? My flippin' sta--- :) hahaha, whoops, unofficially copyrighted... right? 'cause "you're not supposed to be anyone else" they say, and yet 'they' get upset when you get out of who they think you are.

Ugh, society infuriates me.

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Authenticity. The ability to accept ones' self enough to not care if others see personal parts of you. Similar word: genuinity.

If I could invent anything at all, it would be this: an instrument that would allow the viewer the ability to look at everyone as their true self. For instance, perhaps a telescope that the viewer could look through, or a black light bar to see emotional bruises. Enough to make everyone so naked, we see that it's the nakedness that's natural, and to no longer be embarrassed about our little quips and quittles.

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In order to create a Utopian society, the laws, rules, and regulations you expect to have in the future society, should be carefully integrated into society today. Although the nation may not be able to handle turning an entire leaf over at once, it will be much easier to turn over the leaf, a piece at a time. This may take many years, but will be worth it in the end.
The laws need to be enforced, so the individual knows what is expected of him. It will be terribly important to define the use and reason an individual exists. Each individual must use his or her best ability to contribute to the society. As they each do so, the society will thrive, and thus give back to the individual. In order to do this, we must encourage the individual to discover his or her best way to contribute, while doing something they love.
Leaders of the government must be “elected” based on how their moral standard compares with the future moral standard of your expected Utopia. If we expect to have a society that runs by a law of ethics we have decided upon, then we must have leaders willing to run the nation as such.
We must define basic important units of society, such as the government, and the family, also defining how a good government and family runs, and contributes to the society.
It is also important to define realistic expectations of the individual. If you want people to do something, they need to know what that is. If they don't, they either do nothing, do something different, or do something harmful to the society, none of which benefit what was initially asked.
Cognitive dissonance can help a society expand its ideas, and can retain plasticity of the individual and of the nation as a whole. If the society now can get used to hearing new ideas, and deciding freely what their opinion as a whole of the subject is, they allow themselves room to grow. Healthy conflict can be a tremendous help concerning the growth of the nation. There will need to be new ideas to constantly revise the system to fit the betterment of the people, both as individuals, and as a group.
The community needs to be tight-knit in order for the Utopian society to be useful. When the individual is concerned primarily for his fellow citizens in the nation, he wants to protect them. He wants to care for them. He wants the best for him. This bonding process is crucial for a Utopian society to be successful. Unfortunately, it's my belief that each society has it's own way to become bonded, and there is no “right answer” for how to make the society bonded. Perhaps it is needed to make sure only kind language is presented to each other. I do know, though, that if the community bonds in the belief that one faction of society is lower in status than them, the community will ultimately fail. Hate breeds destruction.
Along with bonding, they need to become (slowly) dependent upon each other. They need to begin to watch out for each other, and know they could have someone to fall back on. Although the prolonging of the nation is more important than the individual, the nation is made up of individuals, and thus must care for the individual also. Whether it means lending a cup of flour, or establishing an organization that will care for the lower working class in the society, each faction must know they are not the sole workers, and that, as they are there to benefit society, society is there to benefit them.
A militia, made of the people, must be set up solely for the protection for the individual and the nation. As the citizens gain confidence that the nation will protect them, and as they see that they have the opportunity to be actively involved in that protection, they will be more inclined to keep those in the community safe.

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I recently heard the song “Damaged” by Plumb. The song is a narrative from a woman's point of view. She had been sexually abused as a child, and is now dealing with misplaced ideologies, controversial emotions, and actions she knows she now has to take. As I listen to the song, a solemn feeling goes through my mind, and questions wash over my aching brain. The first, and almost cliché, inquiry is “Why would this happen?” Questions lead to more questions. “Does this happen because the victims need to better themselves?” “Why does someone's choice create negative consequences for so many people?”
In the song the woman says that she's working towards “forgiveness for a man who was stronger.” In the physical aspect, I'm sure this man was much stronger than she was as a “little girl”, but the fact that she's alive, thinking, and trying to sort out questions, has me wondering “Who is stronger, the perpetrator who forces physically, or the victim who endures emotionally?” “What is strength?”, I begin to ask myself, and “Do I have strength?” “Is there a difference between being strong and having strength?”
One of the focuses of the song is that the woman strongly believes she is “damaged”, and can be of no help to others now because she's so hung up on being stuck where she is. I strongly believe there is immense value in the knowledge we can acquire from our experiences. This leads me to ask “When is a person sincerely damaged? Is there anything we can do to heal them, if they are damaged?” When we know we can not go back and change the initial event, does the event itself aide in “damaging” us? Is it the experience itself that damages people, or is it having to live with the consequences of the action that “damages” us? If it's the nightmares, or the flashbacks, or the rampant, intrusive emotions that eventually 'kill' a person's will to try, what can be done to prevent those? Can they be prevented? Should we prevent them, or should we allow a learning experience to take place?
In part of the chorus, she says “I'm scared, and I'm alone. I'm ashamed, and I need for you to know I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say, and you can't take back what you've taken away.” Many times, I've felt like my emotions would never change from where they were at that moment. It can be very scary to think that you will always feel alone, enough so, that you eventually begin to be convinced that you are alone. I wonder who could open up, and connect with this woman so she feels less alone. If we were to get all the junk out of the closet, stereotypes could dissipate. We might feel more accepted and normal. We all have our backpack full of 'stuff'. Should we show it to the world? How could that change attitudes concerning abuse victims?
A verse near the beginning of the song, states that “healing comes so painfully and it chills to the bone.” She goes on to ask “Won't anyone get close to me? I'm damaged, as I'm sure you know.” How patient do we need to be with healing to see that, though painful, it puts us in a more complete state? Are there times where we need to say 'hurry up', or should we let ourselves take it one step at a time, the entire time? Is there a social insecurity towards insecurity, particularly abuse? Why is it that, when people discover someone's past, they wonder if they want to be a part of their future? Are there valid reasons we ought to be 'afraid' of making contact with people like this, or are those reasons stereotypical, and harsh? Is it the events or the people that should be generalized?
In the end of the song, the narrator is adamant about not 'looking back' but still 'going on'. I wonder if it's possible to 'go on' sufficiently without 'looking back', and learning. Is looking back more destructive or helpful? Does the future need the past? How can we change the future by observing the past? Can we change our observations of the past, as we use our current observations to change the present? She sings that 'true love is a fairy tale', and yet sings 'I'm damaged; how would I know?' If she could look at true love differently than what she was taught, could it have a difference on her future as a wife, as a mother, as a woman, as a human being?
She's obviously second guessing herself. I wonder how constructive that is for her. Do our second-guesses of our own decisions affect those around us? When we're parents, if our children see us second-guessing ourselves, they could see that it's a natural thing to do. The earlier they begin to second-guess themselves, the worse. Do our second-guesses encourage and spur others' second guesses?
From the song, I get the impression that the woman would almost like to feel numb to the situation. She would like to have it over with. Do feelings buried alive, die? If so, are there only certain personality types who can do that, or is that option open to everyone? If feelings are buried, did they ever truly exist? Is it the same with trespassing-events? If someone is not affected by the heinous abuse suffered as a child, and yet another is psychotic, purely from mild abuse as a child, should the first offender be punished less than the second because the consequences weren't as horrific? Do we judge in America by the choice or the consequence? Concerning abuse, are the courts keeping up with justice? Is justice a forgotten dream?
Sexual abuse and rape are increasingly rampant. 'Though never spoken of, rarely pointed out, and only occasionally questioned, this is a problem that affects us all. The shame and fear may be evident, but what can we do to aid those who feel afraid and shameful?

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Mr. Johnson says that if we were to take all our "junk out of the closet", then stereotypes and other things would slowly disapparate. I've been thinking about that a lot lately. If people were more open about their problems, wouldn't people with similar problems feel less alone and more accepted? Wouldn't that problem seem more normal? Maybe if people were open so that we could understand a little better, then we could find solutions to the problems! But there's another side to this that would be crucial for this to be carried out effectively: Acceptance. The only way someone would be willing to say that they're anorexic or depressed is if they weren't verbally stoned after saying so. But what about murderers? Are there things that shouldn't be spoken of? Should the evil things of the world seem more acceptable, more normal? No! This encourages those things. BUT what if, after knowing these things, we viewed them as wicked, and attempted to bring them to a different path. Hmmm... But what about murderers? Yes, try to bring them over so that they won't continue with those actions, but what would we do for our security/safety? Punishment? If there was no punishment to hinder (or even discourage) improper action, then why would they stop? And if people knew there would be a punishment, then they'd be discouraged to talk about what they did if they did it. He told us later that his class was a place where we didn't have to think about the junk. That made more sense, but it was so comforting it got me thinking. Is it better to reveal the junk? Or to hold it inside? Is this a continuum or a dichotomy?

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Y'know, for every red light, there's a green light, and for every green light, there's a red light.

Your red light is someone else's red light.

Your green light is someone else's green light.

Your red light is someone else's green light, and vice versa.


Red lights aren't bad! We might have to wait for what seems like forever for that green light, but be grateful that they got their green lights!

What's been a red light in your life? A green light? Does this analogy work, or are people going to be cutting into the intersection when they want to? Is the only way to make a perfect society is to force everyone onto a one-way street? Onto a "my way or the highway" philosophy? Is that even ethical? Is it ethical to force someone to believe the way you believe if what you believe is morally "right"? Who decides what's morally correct?

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My mom has been watching a show called The Secret, which talks about how we can "accept" money into our lives by not attracting what comes into our lives- through our thoughts, which then transfer into actions. So, she's been talking about how it'd be great if we could just be a little richer. A little richer? We own 3 cars and a the biggest house on the block! Heck, a little richer? What is it about wealth that doesn't let us believe we have it?

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I finished the book Race to Eden by Alma Yates. It was amazingly sad, but a very good book. In it I found a quote that hit me to the core, and I wanted to share it with you. Two brothers are talking. Brad is an amazing football player, but before his first game, he breaks his arm so he can't play. He's deciding to go on his mission (football had been a huge distraction), when he talks with his brother Chris.

He says, "Sometimes things like that happen, things you never would have chosen, and they end up being the best thing that ever happened in your life."

What do you think of that? Taoists believe that, though there are right and wrong actions, there are not good or bad happenings. Bad can come from good, and good from bad.

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In Alma 34:22, we are told to pray against the "power of our enemies", and in 3 Nephi 12:44, we're told to "love your enemies." This way we can pray for both ourselves and our enemies- protecting us, and protecting them.

If we pray for our enemies, do we eventually not consider them our enemies anymore? They might consider you an enemy, but that doesn't mean have you to consider them one, does it? Also, if there is no present/past/future for God, if we were to pray for someone in the past, wouldn't he have known that at the time they were going through whatever, and bless them?

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Fear... What are you afraid of? What is it about fear and pain that makes us fear them? Why do we convert fear or grief into anger? Has anger become so prevelant in our life, that we find ourselves feeling "immune" to the effects of it? Is it "easier" to deal with because we experience it so often in the world today? Why are we afraid? Is fear easier than faith? Sure. But not in the long run- the effects are dramatically separate. Are we so distracted that we can't sit down and realize that if we took a breath and looked around and actually thought about what we were about to do, then we could face it WHILE we're "down to earth"?

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So, let's say you have a basically White personality- one who strives for peace, hoping to avoid contentious situations. Would he rather a)contend with someone and get it over with, or b)wait until the situation builds up until it can't be avoided and blows up with a Gargantuan blast? What thinks you?

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Wanna get to know me? I wanna get to know you. Tell me what you think. Four interpersonal questions that perhaps aren't asked enough:

1. What is something close to your heart?
2. What do you have undying faith in?
3. What is your deepest regret?
4. What has been your life's greatest pain?


My answers? Hmm... fun, fun, fun... :)

1. I'd have to say that one thing close to my heart is my ability to learn. I love to learn, and will do what I can to know more than I should. ;)

2. I have undying faith in the fact that life is always changing.

3. I'd like to be like so many of those out there and say "Well, I have no regrets", but I do have on regret. I wish I had learned sooner that it was okay to be who I wanted to be.

4. My life's greatest pain... Probably it's been hardest to have to learn to love myself. Yeah, still working on that as we all are.


So, tell me. I'm here.

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