Optical Allusionist

Joy to Everyone

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King of Pain

There's a little black spot on the sun today
It's the same old thing as yesterday
There's a black hat caught in a high tree top
There's a flag-pole rag and the wind won't stop

I have stood here before inside the pouring rain
With the world turning circles running 'round my brain
I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this reign
But it's my destiny to be the king of pain

There's a little black spot on the sun today
(That`s my soul up there)
It's the same old thing as yesterday
(That`s my soul up there)
There's a black hat caught in a high tree top
(That`s my soul up there)
There's a flag-pole rag and the wind won't stop
(That`s my soul up there)

I have stood here before inside the pouring rain
With the world turning circles running 'round my brain
I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this reign
But it's my destiny to be the king of pain

There's a fossil that's trapped in a high cliff wall
(That`s my soul up there)
There's a dead salmon frozen in a waterfall
(That`s my soul up there)
There's a blue whale beached by a spring tide's ebb
(That`s my soul up there)
There's a butterfly trapped in a spider's web
(That`s my soul up there)

I have stood here before inside the pouring rain
With the world turning circles running 'round my brain
I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this reign
But it's my destiny to be the king of pain

There's a king on a throne with his eyes torn out
There's a blind man looking for a shadow of doubt
There's a rich man sleeping on a golden bed
There's a skeleton choking on a crust of bread

King of pain

There's a red fox torn by a huntsman's pack
There's a black-winged gull with a broken back
There's a little black spot on the sun today
It's the same old thing as yesterday

I have stood here before inside the pouring rain
With the world turning circles running 'round my brain
I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this reign
But it's my destiny to be the king of pain

King of pain
I'll always be king of pain
I'll always be king of pain

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Step 1: Music player on shuffle.
Step 2: First line from the first 25 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing.
Step 3: Strike through the songs when someone guesses both artist and track correctly.
Step 4: Looking them up on Google or any other search engine is CHEATING!
Step 5: If you like the game, post your own!

So guess the songs and their artists... good luck guys! :D
*confession* Okay so this is only the songs I've gotten from Youtube. Good luck! Oh, and I left out a couple songs out cuz they're not songs... they were clips. :) Oh, and I left out all the German songs. Wanted to make this as fair as possible.


1. She loved him like he was the last man on earth

2. Don't be shy, just let your feelings roll on by

3. Coming out of my cage, and I've been doing just fine

4. Oh, Mickey, you're so fine

5. We're talking away, I don't know what I'm to say

6. But it isn't my fault, I was given those beans

7. I'm through with standing in line to clubs I'll never get in

8. Take a look at my girlfriend

9. I hurt myself today, to see if I still feel.

10. Amazing grace, how sweet the sound.

11. Some go down; I'm just getting up.

12. Gentlemen, our benefactor on this Christmas day...

13. Mr. Mayor, the mission burns

14. How I wish you could see the potential

15. People are strange, when you're a stranger

16. I'll take you home if you don't leave me at the front door

17. We're clearly soldiers in petty coats!

18. Oh say can you see by the dawn's early light

19. I can show you the world

20. With hurricanes, and terrorists, it's been hard to just get by

21. Everyday when you're walking down the street, everybody that you meet, has an original point of view

22. Look at me, busy as a bee

23. Snape, Snape, Severus Snape

24. Got a secret; can you keep it?

25. A long, long time ago, I can still remember how the music used to make me smile

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On my way home from playing with a friend tonight, some song lyrics came to mind. "Someone told you forever, but forever it would not be." I thought maybe it was a Tim McGraw song I barely remembered hearing in 7th grade. I came home and looked up those lyrics on google, hoping to find the full song to play it on youtube. I searched google, checked on cmt.com, asked my brother-- Country Music Extroardinaire-- and checked again on google, with all kinds of variations.

I gave up and went to play on Facebook. Shortly into my game, I came to the realization-- and, yes, this is a little pathetic-- I had MY song stuck in my head. I had heard the song I was looking for, and, in an effort to create something similar, wrote the song "Scars." It's been so long (7 years) since I wrote it, that I'd pretty much forgotten about it. It's funny because, when I'd written it originally, I'd purposefully written the three verses to be three situations which I had no emotional relation to. And, though I'm not getting a divorce, which was the original premise of the first verse, my experience this week still matches it. Isn't it funny?

So, this is the song, "Scars". I'd sing it, but... that's obviously impossible.

Scars

Someone told you forever,
But forever it would not be.
They turned their back on you,
And said forever they could not see.

Scars, scars, scars,
Each and everyone has their scars.
They may hurt, but they will help;
If only we saw their part.

Mom had to have those cigarettes
Don't have any idea why.
Cancer seemed her one weakness.
Why did she have to die?

First day of tenth grade.
No one wanted to be his friend.
Was it that he had to change?
Did he really have to bend?

Scars can heal and help us
If we really work it out.
Don't blame it on the others.
Don't sit down and pout.

Scars, scars, scars.
Each and everyone has their scars.
They may hurt, but they will help.
We've just gotta see their part.



So, that's basically one of several songs I wrote in the beginning of junior high. Yes, I'm a genius. Lol, jk. Um, so I was engaged, and I'm not engaged anymore. That's why I was thinking of this.

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So, I had a song recommended to me by a close friend. The song's called "Hate Me", and it's by Blue October. Well, I got thinking of a few lyrics of my own. Just one second. I've got "The Killers" playing, and I've gotta turn it off so I can remember my lyrics to share with you... Okey doke. There we go. Okay, the title of the song is "I'm Hurting You More Than You're Helping Me" and a few snippets I'll be working on in the near future:

"I wouldn't want to hurt you; I didn't mean to hurt you; I never meant to hurt you..."

"You listened through my rants of pain. You stood by when I wouldn't change"

"I relinquished hope in everything I'd planned. But you told me, you said, "I understand."

"And when did it start, the drifting apart?"

"You offered advice, as a prosthetic device."

"I was only looking for a friend to apprehend the pain that I was going through."


Um, okay, so let's work with what we've got.

I'm Hurting You More Than You're Helping Me
I was only looking for a friend to apprehend the pain that I was going through.
And I found you.
We had some good times,
I was ready,
I was happy,
and alive.
You gave me something more that I had never known.
When life went sour, you were there. You stood by through my despair.
You prayed and plead and worried more
Than most had ever done before.
And I...
Wouldn't want to hurt you.
I didn't mean to hurt you.
I never meant to hurt you.
But I think I'm hurting you more, than you're helping me.

And when I was drowning in my strife, having trouble living life,
You stayed with me until I was safe. You waited near. You never waived.
You took the weapon from my hand;
You saved me from an awful brand.
And I...
Wouldn't want to hurt you.
I didn't mean to hurt you.
I never meant to hurt you.
But I think I'm hurting you more, than you're helping me.

When I relinquished hope in everything that I'd contrived,
you stuck around until you were sure that I'd survive.
You listened through my rants of pain,
Though I thought I would never change.
I see the distance in your eyes,
And wonder why you keep disguising
The way you feel is getting clear
We're shifting to a different gear

And when did it start, the drifting apart?
You had offered advice, as a prosthetic device.
With you as my crutch, I had leaned a bit much.

And, most of all, I just want you to know that I...
Wouldn't want to hurt you.
I didn't mean to hurt you.
I never meant to hurt you.
But I think I'm hurting you more than you're helping me.

No, I...
Wouldn't want to hurt you.
I didn't mean to hurt you.
I never meant to hurt you.
I'm hurting you more than you're helping me.

And it's not worth it if I'm...
Hurting you more than you're helping me.

I'm hurting you more than you're helping me.

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Wanna know how to get a youtube video onto your desktop? Well, i found out today, and it's super easy--- if you've got a Macintosh. (but isn't it usually that way?) If you've got a Macintosh, open up Safari (your web browser). If you don't have Safari, download it for free from the internet. Okay, so you've got Safari opened up. Go to Youtube, and as it's downloading, do this: Then go to the top. No, more top. Very very tippity top top. The toolbar that says "file, edit, view, etc" Go to Windows, and click it. then click activity. You will see the video downloading (you'll know it's downloading cause it'll be the only one changing in the right hand column in the activity window). When it's fully downloaded, double click it. A little thing'll be downloaded to your desktop. While it's downloading, go look up "isquint" in google, and download it (it's free). Then, when both things are downloaded, run the blip on the desktop through isquint. It will be put on your iTunes, and, viola! you have the video!

1) have a mac
2) open up safari
3) go to your youtube video
4) QUICK! while it's downloading go to the top toolbar, and click windows
5) QUICK AGAIN! click on activity
6) look for the script that's changing
7) when it's fully charged, double click
8) go find out where you can download isquint
9) download isquint
10) squint. then say "i squint"
11) no, i'm just joking don't do that
12) run the downloaded clip (usually called "get_vid" or something similar, on desktop) through isquint
13) wait
14) open itunes
15) watch movie
16) put on video ipod (optional)
17) when done watching video, give video ipod to Shelly in return for this useful information ;)
18) Okay, okay, don't do that either
19) Enjoy!

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I'm sorry it's been a week since I last posted. I've been thinking hard, and debating about what I'd like to post about. This past week has certainly been an eventful one. I could talk about all the time I spent with a close friend, Kelly. I could talk about the book I began writing about 'the tales of Annie and Ruth', based on events with my cousin Gracie. I could also talk about how my favorite teacher isn't going to be rehired because he accidentally stumbled upon a Playboy site. Or I could talk about how I lost a friend over the weekend and gained her back over the weekend. Should I talk about the boy I think's been avoiding me, or the dream I had last night where I tortured my friend? Ooh, maybe I should talk about the other night, when I woke up three times in cold sweats from nightmares. I could talk about introducing my friend to "Matilda", the book & the movie. I suppose I could talk about how I finally found a job-- at the place I used to work a few months ago. :) I introduced a close friend and a close teacher-friend (whom my close friend had despised) and reconciled that incident.

I've been wanting to write a post that describes my feelings concerning the song "Russians" by Sting, or give a brief explanation of my views on each of the presidential candidates. But tonight, what really struck me was a song from the play "The Civil War."

This song is called "How Many Devils?" and it fairly describes how I feel tonight. The lyrics are posted at the bottom of this post. Also, a link for the song on Youtube, is: "http://youtube.com/watch?v=RVdFQWaeSko".

When I have a string of nights linked by nightmares, I tend to be in a quiet, contemplative mood about this time of night guessing at what I'm about to face. Who will I see killed tonight? Who will rape me tonight? How will it affect me tomorrow morning? How am I ever going to get over this? When will I get over it? Would I not have had nightmares had Aubrey not attempted suicide, or Devin not threatened me, or a million other options? And after last night, "Who will I torture tonight?" or "What will I do wrong tonight?"

But most of all,

"How will I escape?" From me. From the others. From the truth. How will I escape? How many devils?

However, I have the luxury: I can wake up and say, "Shelly, that never happened. Breathe in, breathe out. That never happened. You're okay. He/She're okay. They're fine. Just a dream, just a dream." But it's still like seeing someone shot or beheaded or tortured before your eyes. And I've just gotten used to seeing things like that. Hahaha, I've desensitized myself.

"When did life become so damn cheap?"

My therapist says that I have the nightmares so I can feel prepared to fight or deal with anything that comes along in real life.

And I've conquered something recently! I SWAM!! I have been... deathly aquaphobic for the past handful of years, and so a friend and I (in November) decided to set a date to swim, and to work up to that day. That day was last Saturday, and for the first time since I was around 15, I swam in something other than a bathtub.

This morning I felt like asking the questions the Confederate soldiers ask themselves in this song. "How many miles? How many fears? How many days? How many years? How many rivers of blood, sweat and tears? How many times into the fray? How many [times won’t I] walk away?... How many miles dead on our feet, drenched to the bone, baked in the heat?" I see the bodies around me who have dropped from exhaustion and murder. And even as I'm asking how it can't be allowed-- my dropping-- I know I'm determined to find a place where there aren't bodies lying around me.

I'm debating about whether or not to elaborate. I don't want to be the kind of blogger who only posts when they're sad or mad. I want to post intelligently and soberly, so I should probably wait another couple days before I elaborate on the past several months-- the ups, the downs, how hard it was to stay alive in the battlefield of my mind, and why I'm here now, fighting the good fight. Enjoy the ride, right? Things get better.

Things do get better.




How Many Devils?

One, Two, pick ‘em up and put ‘em down again and watch the lines go on by
Three, Four, pick ‘em up and put ‘em down again until you stop work and then you die
One, Two, pick ‘em up and put ‘em down again until Massah Robert tells us to cease
Three, Four, when the hell did shoes get so damn dear and life get so damn cheap?
One, Two, those damn Yankees ain’t give up as easy as we thought they’d be
Three, Four, those damn Yankees ain’t near as scared or half as hungry as we
One, Two, pick ‘em up and put ‘em down again is all a body can do
Three, Four, pick ‘em up and put ‘em down again until this bloody war is through!
How many miles? How many fears? How many days? How many years?
How many rivers of blood, sweat and tears?
How many times into the fray? How many men won’t walk away?
How many hells filled with how many devils to pay?
One, Two, pick ‘em up and put ‘em down again and watch the miles roll on
Three, Four, pick ‘em up and put ‘em down again until your strength is nearly gone
One, Two, pick ‘em up and put ‘em down again and dream of home, safe and sound
Three, Four, pick ‘em up and put ‘em down again ’til we’re six feet underground
How many miles dead on our feet, drenched to the bone, baked in the heat?
Fading from ground with another retreat?
How many times into the fray? How many men won’t walk away?
How many hells filled with how many devils to pay?
Bodies all lay in the tall summer grass, swollen and butchered and still
Measuring miles by the dead that you pass, measuring life by the men you kill
How many days? How many more? How many men lost to this war?
I can’t remember what we’re fighting for!
How many times into the fray? How many men won’t walk away?
How many hells filled with how many devils to pay?

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In sacrament yesterday, I sat behind a young man who sang the tenor part to a couple of the songs, and I was glad to sing along. I hadn't sung tenor in a while, because it can be hard to hear when everyone around you is singing the soprano or the alto, but I love to sing tenor. It's practically my natural range. :D It reminded me of something that I hadn't thought of in a handful of months.

A few years ago, I began to join in with my dad, my dippy, as he sung tenor to the hymns. I loved it, and we'd sing together, guiding each other through the part. They were some of the sweetest moments with my Dippy, singing tenor with him. I felt a connection and a love and a sweetness. We sung tenor for a couple years, off and on-- but more on than off-- , before he was called to be in the Bishopric. It was very hard for me to let him go, because I knew it'd be much harder to hear him sing tenor, and I knew I would have to give up those times. On the rare occasion that Dippy and I would be seated next to each other in another meeting, I would gladly tune in to the tenor part with him. I learned to love tenor, to further my love of music, and to further my love of my Dippy.

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September 14, 2007

"My Immortal" by Evanescance

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave,
I wish you would just leave.
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal.
This pain is just too real.
There's just too much that time cannot erase.
When you'd cry
I'd wipe away all of your tears.
When you'd scream,
I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years,
And you still have all of me.

You used to captivate me by your resonating lies.
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind.
Your face at once, my once pleasant dreams.
Your voice has chased away all the sanity in me.

These wounds won't seem to heal.
This pain is just too real.
There's just too much that time cannot erase.
When you'd cry
I'd wipe away all of your tears.
When you'd scream,
I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years,
And you still have all of me.

I tried so hard to tell myself
That you're gone.
But, though you're still with me,
I've been alone.

I'm alone.

When you'd cry,
I'd wipe away all of your tears.
When you'd scream,
I'd fight away all of your fears.
I held your hand through all of these years,
And you still... still have
All of me.

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Here's a story I hope you'll like
It's the one about the girl riding on her bike
I know it's a tired old tale but it still rings true
She could never be rude or unkind
But a sad song played at the back of her mind
Oh, can someone show me a different day
To take me away

Take me out of the woods
Great big world
You know I'm wanting for you
You know I'm wanting for you

They tell me goodies make the woods go round
And every day they fix their tea to wash 'em down
You know, if you spin your wheels everything's okay
There's a girl who's been on my mind
She was never one who ever cared to color in the lines
Oh, did you know that this girl looks a lot like me

Take me out of the woods
Great big world
You know I'm wanting for you
You know I'm wanting for you
I'm wanting for you
I'm waiting for you

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Funny song, sans the profanity




"Date Rape" by Sublime

Let me tell you about a girl I know,
had a drink about a hour ago.
Sitting in a corner by herself, in a bar in downtown Hell.

She heard a noise and she looked through the door.
And saw a man she'd never seen before.
Light skin, light blue eyes, a double-chin and a plastic smile.
Well, her heart raced as he walked in the door
And took an empty seat next to her at the bar.
"My brand new car is parked right outside. How'd ya like to go for a ride?"
And she said."Wait a minute I have to think."
He said, "That's fine. May I please buy you a drink"
One drink turned into 3 or 4 and they left and got into his car
and they drove away someplace real far.

Now babe the time has come.
How'd ya like to have a little fun?
And she said."If we could only please be on our way, I will not run."

That's when things got out of control.
She didn't want to, he had his way.
She said, "Let's Go"
He said, "No Way!"
Come on babe it's your lucky day.
Shut your mouth, were gonna do it my way.
Come on baby don't be afraid,
if it wasn't for date rape I'd never get laid.

He finished up and he started the car
He turned around and drove back to the bar.
He said."Now baby don't be sad, in my opinion you weren't half-bad."
She picked up a rock.,threw it at the car, hit him in the head, now he's got a big scar.
Come on party people won't you listen to me.
Date Rape Stylee.

The next day she went to her drawer, look up her local attorney at law,
went to the phone and filed the police report and then she took the guy's butt to court.
Well, the day he stood in front of the judge he screamed, "She lies that little slut!"
The judge knew that he was full of crap and he gave him 25 years
And now his heart is filled with cheers.

One night in jail it was getting late.
He was butt-raped by a large inmate, and he screamed.
But the guards paid no attention to his cries.

That's when things got out of control.
The moral of the date rape story, it does not pay to be drunk and horny.
But that's the way it had to be.
They locked him up and threw away the key.
Well, I can't take pity on men of his kind,
even though he now takes it in the behind.

But that's the way it had to be.
They locked him up and threw away the key.
Well, I can't take pity on men of his kind,
even though he now takes it in the behind.
DATE RAPE!

She didn't want to [x4]
TAKE IT!

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