Optical Allusionist

In Dr. Mary Pipher's book Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls, she speaks on the deterioration of society and how it effects young teenage girls. Impossible expectations are set on the shoulders of young women. They are bombarded with conflicting messages concerning sexuality, femininity and adulthood. Mary Pipher, as a clinical psychologist, has had the opportunity to work in therapy with a number of girls, and thus had the chance to observe the culture of America, and what pressures it has set on this generation. I plan to focus on one of the sub points of the book: abuse. Dr. Pipher writes mostly on two areas of abuse: cultural abuse, and sexual abuse. Although she speaks on sexual harassment, in this paper I will be addressing the two abuses mentioned.
Cultural abuse, a term coined by Carol Bly, encompasses “those elements in the culture that block growth and development.” ( pg. 293) Dr. Pipher tells us how America wishes to make young women what it wants them to be: quiet, kind, and feminine. One of her clients put it perfectly when she said “I'm a perfectly good carrot that everyone is trying to change into a rose. As a carrot, I have good color and a nice leafy top. When I'm carved into a rose, I turn brown and wither.” (22) Our culture wants to change us into something we're not, thus destroying the best part of ourselves.
Some of our greatest heroines are at the age just before they're to reach puberty. Heidi, Anne of Green Gables and Pippi Longstockings, all had wonderful adventures, and great personal achievements. (18) As soon as most girls reach puberty, though, they've been thrown into a hurricane. The only way to defend against the hurricane is to lose a sense of Self, and give in to society's expectations. The rules become: “be attractive, be a lady, be unselfish and of service, make relationships work and be competent without complaint.” (39) One client observed, “If I'm having a bad day, teachers and kids tell me to smile. I've never heard them say that to a guy.” (39) And while young boys may have gender-oriented phrases pushed their way once in a while, her point is made.
In Psychologist I. K. Broverman's study male and female participants were asked to check off adjectives that characterized “healthy men”, “healthy women”, and “healthy adults”. While healthy women were “described as passive, dependent, and illogical”, “healthy adults were active, independent and loyal.” By those standards, it seems “impossible to score as both a healthy adult and a healthy woman.” Society asks that we be a healthy adult woman, as they set up road blocks so we can never get there. (39)
The negative effects of media can be a wrecking-ball of confusion, when it comes to building a girl's sense of identity. It's views on sexuality, and occasionally violence, construe young girls' hormones right when they're on the edge of instability. After careful attention, a client of Dr. Pipher's noticed that “some sex scenes have scary music and some violent scenes have sexy music so that sex and violence are all mixed up.” (42) The media sells an idealized version of what a young lady should be, leaving actual young women feeling a sense of inadequacy.
The media spurs ideologies which society absorbs and then sponges into the minds of those present. The sexual harassment in the schools is an example of that. The culture those boys and girls have grown up with, (in)directly encourages these actions. Cultural abuse is seen greatly in the way adolescent women are made out to be sexual objects. Ladies are encouraged to be “sexy, but not sexual.” (240) Girls hear mixed messages as they hear that “sex is... both a sacred act between two people united by God, and the best way to sell sun tan lotion.” (71) They “receive two kinds of sex education...: one in the classroom and the other in the halls.” (206) In the schools, losing your virginity has become a “rite of passage into maturity”, even though “by high school, some girls may be mature enough to be sexually active, but [Dr. Pipher's] experience is that the more mature and healthy girls avoid sex.” (207, 208), Most girls at this age “tend to have love, sex and popularity all mixed up.” (208) It's difficult to know what you're ready for, when the world screams that you're ready. Even the National Children's Study has admitted, “Media exposure regarding sexuality- but not necessarily sexual behavior- may affect subgroup behavior.”
The media has become increasingly violent. Gore is common. Death is insignificant. Throwing a few punches is a fact of life. In the book The Shelter of Each Other: Rebuilding Our Families, Dr. Pipher writes more on violence. She points out that “children, including toddlers, are exposed to hundreds of examples of violence every day.” Once violence could be shown as “the tragic consequence of misunderstandings”, but it is another point all together to demonstrate violence “as a thrill, as a solution to human problems or merely as something that happens when people are slightly frustrated...” The more the media glorifies violence, the more acceptable that assault, battery, or murder seem. The more 'normal' it is, the more 'normal' it becomes. And the more afraid and protective women must become.
Women live in a dangerous world that tends to desensitize sexuality and violence. Their sense of reality is much too acute. Cultural abuse has desensitized young ladies from being who they truly are. Instead of asking young women to be the best they can be, society asks that they be what society wants them to be. In the book The Story of an African Farm, Olive Shreiner says “The world tells us what we are to be and shapes us by the ends it sets before us. To men it says, work. To us it says, seem. The less a woman has in her head, the lighter she is for carrying.” As long as young women yield to our culture's wish for them, they will remain a smaller 'burden' on the backs of this country, but they won't be able to contribute to progression, either.
The second form of abuse Mary Pipher spoke on most prevalently was sexual abuse. She knew of many cases where young women had been abused, or raped. These events often changed the lives of those ladies forever. Dr. Pipher goes to high schools and speaks to groups of girls. “The last three times [she's] spoken at a high school class, a girl has approached [Dr. Pipher] afterward to tell [her] she's been raped.” (219)
Statistics continue to increase, shocking the world. Although one in four women are raped, only sixteen percent report. Sixty percent of victims of rape are under eighteen. Thirty-two percent of young women raped are between the ages twelve and eighteen. Once when Dr. Pipher expressed a concern that a younger friend of her's would be raped, she was greeted with the reply “Do you think that hasn't happened to me before?” Eighty percent of victims knew their attacker. A rape is reported about once every five minutes. How many times a minute would calls be coming in if all women reported their assault? As Dr. Pipher looked over these figures, she proclaimed, “The newer the study, the worse the figures.” (218-219, Office of Health Education)
The effects of rape can be devastating. “Rape hurts us all, not just the victims.” (230) Women become increasingly terrified. Men must prove themselves to women. Dr. Pipher observed, “Fear changes behavior in a thousand ways- where and when young women can go places, who they talk to and where they walk, study, and live.” (219) Her oldest client for rape was in her seventies, having been raped as a teenager. Even she still had nightmares because of the experience. (219)
I once had a discussion with a male friend of mine. I talked about my fear of rape, and how, as a girl, I felt that I always had to be on the lookout. I explained to him, “A girl could look at a man sideways, and it may have been an accident, but she may have looked at just the wrong guy.” He was astounded because he had never been afraid of being attacked before. This was one of my first insights into the differences between men and women and their different ways of living with rape.
In the American culture “sex is currently associated with violence, power, domination, and status.” Young women are “surrounded by sexual violence.” There are many emotions and defenses young ladies use, once victimized. They may “become post traumatic stress victims. They experience all the symptoms-- depression, anger, fear, recurrent dreams and flashbacks.” Though in the beginning they may feel “shock, denial and dissociation”, these feelings often transfer to feeling “anger and self-blame for not being more careful or fighting back.” After rape, young women are more afraid. Nearly all of them say they have been “permanently changed.” (230)
Victims of childhood sexual abuse suffer similarly, as “adolescent issues often trigger earlier traumas.” The victims are often left on their own to “rework the abuse when they are teenagers.” Amidst their culture's expectations, and memories of a horrible past, they can easily become “mixed up about love, sex, punishment and affection. They need to erase memories of bad relationships and build ideas about good ones.” If they don't rebuild correct ideologies, they could very easily run into problems in relationships. As they grow, “issues may arise with dating”. Sexual experiences present themselves, and 'though the girl may want to be “emotionally present”, she may find it impossible to enter into a sexual relationship, finding that it causes a dissociative reaction in her. (229)
It's very important for victims of rape or abuse to let out their pain. When a client of Dr. Pipher came to her as a rape victim, she was terrified of telling her story. Mary Pipher would tell her stories of other girls who had visited her office for the same reason. After a few sessions of stories, Dr. Pipher told her client “When you cut your finger, it bleeds; you may not like blood, it's scary and messy, but fingers that are cut are supposed to bleed. That's healthy. If they don't bleed, something is wrong. What happened to you is horrible and you are going to feel a lot of pain. You won't like it, it's messy and scary, but it's part of healing. Burying the feelings will hurt more in the long run.” (222) The effects of abuse can be much like an infection. The infection must be cut open. Even though there will be a great amount of pain with the draining and the cutting of the infection, once drained and healed there is no more pain. That's the goal.
Alice Miller once said, “The results of any traumatic experience, such as abuse, can only be resolved by experiencing, articulating, and judging every facet of the original experience within a process of careful therapeutic disclosure.” The experience, articulation, and judgment are difficult and painful processes, but they lead to the greater good for the victim. There are a few victims who seem to have an “inner strength”, but for the most part many are damaged greatly. (Reader's Digest)
Dr. Pipher suggests a partial-solution. She values the treatment given for rape or abuse victims- “therapists, hospitals, rape crisis centers and support groups.” (231) But what she wishes for our culture is that we also had a preventative program- somewhere to teach men to respect women and to treat them kindly, and to teach them the horror of abuse. A study was taken in Rhode Island. Young women and young men were asked to answer when a man “has the right to have sexual intercourse with a woman without her consent.” “Eighty percent said the man had the right to use force if the couple were married, and seventy percent if the couple planned to marry. Sixty-one percent said that force was justified if the couple had had prior sexual relations. More than half felt that force was justified if the woman had led the man on. Thirty percent said it was justified if he knew that she had had sex with other men, or if he was so sexually stimulated he couldn't control himself, or if the woman was drunk.” This study revealed that at least eighty percent of these young men and young women didn't understand that no one ever has the right to force sex. (206) Dr. Pipher's suggestion of a “preventive program” could be extremely helpful if ever put to use. Not only do women need to learn how to avoid dangerous situations, but men need to learn what is and is not appropriate.
Looking through the lens of Mary Pipher, abuse is as deadly as a dose of cyanide, but we have the antidote. Choosing to take the antidote after being poisoned by the effects of cultural or sexual abuse, young women can become fulfilled, emotionally self-sufficient adults. Although the statistics are against young ladies of the era, there are ways to avoid, to minimize or to transfer a risk. There are ways to heal, and become the best young woman they can be!





References:
Pipher, Mary, 1994. Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls
Pipher, Mary, 1996. The Shelter of Each Other: Rebuilding Our Families
Safran, 1989. “Kids Who Beat the Odds”, Reader's Digest
Schreiner, 1999. The Story of an African Farm
Brainy Quote, Alice Miller, 2006
http://www.brainyquote.com/quo...

National Children's Study, Jan. 2004, http://www.nationalchildrensst...

Office of Health Education, 2004
http://www.vpul.upenn.edu/ohe/...