Optical Allusionist

I've been thinking a lot about my nightmares. I talked with my therapist, Melissa, about them, and she told me some very interesting things. Did you know that EVERYONE'S dreams consist of about 60% nightmare? 3/5 of our dreams are nightmares!! I just happen to remember them... vividly. And they're possibly connected with what happened, but that's another story. She talked about a research that included taking the dream cycle away from rats, and how they weren't able to react in a flight/fight/freeze mode. They couldn't use their survival skills. It was as if they'd completely forgotten them!! The theory says that we practice our survival skills during our sleep, which makes sense for cavemen/cavema'am who needed to protect themselves from saber toothed tigers or the like, but for us, who have different fears-- generally not life-threatening, it's not as sensible for us to have them. But our brain still puts out the information, in the event of something happening. Still, that helps and it doesn't. My nightmares are horrifying for me. Disturbing! Disgusting! Vomitous! And, though it makes sense as to why they happen, that doesn't make them stop. Melissa says that when I come, though, to trust in my ability to fight off whatever monster I'm afraid of, the nightmares will disappate. ...What a blessing that would be. To give you a taste of why that'd be a blessing, check this out. It's a poem I wrote around a year ago. Check this out: WArning, though. It does contain quite a bit of violence/gore.


Nightmares

His face reminds me of ground hamburger. I don't know if he suffocated because of the exhaust, or if he got torn up when Dallin drove the car over him.

The river of clotting blood sloshes around my calves, staining my jeans with a shining crimson.

A momentary glint of sunlight reflects off the gaping fangs. The clap of the thunder shatters the glass walls protecting me as his snout violates the room, nostrils flaring.

His toe hung by a hinge of skin, blood mixing with the green of the grass. Tears silently flowing down his face, he shakily stared up at me, as he turned the lawn mower off.

I stepped first on the ice-cold concrete, a grid covering the shark-infested body of water. Weaving through the water without a sound, a fin cuts the surface, leaving a wake of terror as it torpedoes towards me.

Her feet hang above the floor, swinging. I can't save her. I could never save her. I never see her eyes, her face, or the rope she dangles from.

There were only holes, shot through three times in the torso. I gaped in horror at my father's blank eyes. He had died to distract them from me.

Her screams rack me. How couldn't I tell someone, and now, here she stands before me, her wrist slit, blood seeping from them. The screaming. Oh, the screaming.

Mindlessly, I shot gasoline-filled bullets: penetrate, then poison. The gun racketed off my shoulder. My terrible aim found no target, but instead succeeded in lodging in the metal grid of a propane grill.

Flying high, holding me by my wrists, the dragon had his fun, using me to succeed his jollies.

The dark clamminess of the dew-covered grass flooded my nostrils. My eyes followed my pursuers, as my knuckles toned white, grasping at the grave stone.

The dark shadows moved through the tents someone had set up in the living room. Outside, a dark man with red, glowing eyes glowers at me. My brother gives him his wedding ring so he won't rape me.

Cuts grew, and we laughed as we bled, throwing shards of glass as though they were snowballs.

Knowing her sister would die if she fell, the black woman grasped for her wrist, hoping to save her murderous sibling from certain death. The savior stared in horror as the saved pulled a bone saw from her belt, and proceeded in sawing off her sister's arm until, the bone and bright flesh showing, only a thin hinge of flesh held on to her.

His fists and anger penetrate my side, kicking and punching and shoving until I'm only a crumpled heap laying beaten on the floor.

His grip, nearly breaking my ankles, forced my legs wide, until he could penetrate the purist part of me. His face rolled with sweat and a twisted grin, he glorified in my silenced scream.

Red eyes of a jaguar growl. My feet move, though I struggle to stop them, step by step, stair by stair, closer and closer.

I huddle, shivering in the cold of the night, under the deck. I know they're coming to hurt me, but there is nothing to do but wait.

His grip is strong on the bricks, scaling the wall in the dead of night. I reach out the window, and flail, hoping to knock him off his journey.

His shadow reflects the ruby eyes, until he knocks me on the floor, mounting me with one hand, holding me down with the other.

Flailing and cursing, the woman tears at me and my clothing. Limping into the adjacent room, I find an aunt who threatens to further attack me.

The savage circle of men surround my friend, leaving a crumpled ball in the center. They perform a barbaric dance of popping arms and stomping feet, soon to rape the beaten figure.

Cold, angry concrete tickles my neck. I stare blankly into a long tunnel, waiting for the bullet to propel through me. A concentration camp of twice-made victims.

I can see the fin weaving, slicing the water. A public pool, filled with innocent bystanders, that refuse to listen to my cry of warning. Am I the only one who can see it?

Lost in a second dimension, I can not speak to anyone. No one to understand me. Lost my brother. Lost my life. Lost everything.

Her eyes are necessarily dead. At almost half my size, she has no life in her. Her life is a dream. Necessarily.

Evil blood-cats mew at my window. Freakishly gaunt bodies and
eyes that stare to the evilest part of you. Feeling sorry for the creatures, I let them in. They tear my cat up, into pieces.

I can't breathe in the squeeze. To find my cousin, the tubes will transport me, but I'm too big, and too claustrophobic.

My scream echoes in my ears. Hero, no more. The man I love, my brother, Kevin, has other things on his mind. Macy watches in the corner of my dream.

Its bloodshot eyes rage, and the bear's jaws gape wide. Frozen only seconds before, the taxidermied animal is now more true than reality.