Optical Allusionist

In a recent post, I wrote

Not only have I taken my name off the records of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (the Mormon/LDS Church), but I have come across information that leads me to view the specific religion in an unfavorable light. It is about the abuse, the past and present oaths in the secret ceremonies in the temple, the purposeful cover-ups by Church leadership of Church history that continue today, the finances and manipulation within the finances, the history of ethnocentrism, xenophobia, racism, sexism, heterosexism, cysgenderism, it is about the manipulation within so-called "loving" teachings, the lies, and the "love"-cloaked hatred. I understand that these are severe accusations, and if anyone would like specifics, they are welcome to message me. Let it be understood: I am not discussing the people of "the Church" or the culture of Utah, although I believe it is highly influenced by "the Church". I am discussing specific doctrines, specific events in Church history, specific actions and words of leaders, specific beliefs and ideologies supported by high leadership and doctrines within "the Church". I am appalled at my contributions to such an organization as this.

I've decided to supply some links that will point to the truth of my accusations. If you do not want to find out what I'm talking about, please do not read any further.

If you are interested in discussing what I've written, I'd be happy to. I want to believe the truth, and only believe these things because they match proof I have found. I want to be honest, and this is the way, I think, I can be honest without hurting too many people... without lurching too many people from their rabbit holes. I've heard that you cannot reason someone out of a belief they did not reason themselves into.

Keep in mind that some of these sites are more diplomatic than others. On occasion, the people who write are angry, or grieving because of their personal connections to Mormonism. It is a painful experience to discover that an organization that surrounded each aspect of your life was lying to you, an organization that seeps into every part of your life, your family, your friends, your beliefs, etc. This does not mean that the things that they have found are not true. Try and keep an open mind.

Also keep in mind that I do not believe what I have posted is anti-Mormon. I believe that something is anti-Mormon if it will tear down Mormonism at any cost, even if they have to lie to do it. I am pro-truth... and if the truth works against the Mormon Church, then that is what the truth does.

And, lastly, why? Why do I waste my time writing this? Because I want people to know the truth. I don't want people to be lied to, and I want to make it easy, an easy resource for those considering why they are Mormon.


To start out, I will recommend three books I have read.


No Man Knows My History
A biography of Joseph Smith. Very well documented. Highly recommended

Standing for Something More
The story of the excommunication of Lyndon Lamborn after the things he found out about LDS Church History

Studies of the Book of Mormon
BH Roberts' studies of the Book of Mormon



Here are some sites you can visit to start out with. I'll order these from most reliable to least reliable.


Mormonthink

I have found this to be an incredibly reliable, very well-documented site that addresses several different issues with the Mormon Church.


Post Mormon

A site for Mormons, ex-Mormons, and non-Mormons to discuss issues


USU Shaft

A blog of atheists, agnostics, free-thinkers, secular-humanists. I included it because the posts often discuss Mormonism.


USU Shaft: Why I Don't Believe

A series of blog posts that cover a handful of specific reasons the writer left Mormonism


33 Reasons Why I Left

33 Reasons why one person left Mormonism


Recovery From Mormonism

A site for Mormons, ex-Mormons, and non-Mormons to discuss issues


Lyndon Lamborn

Lyndon Lamborn, an excommunicated former Mormon writes about his experiences, includes a timeline he set up of Church history


Why We Left

Personal accounts of why members left Mormonism


Questioning Mormonism

A blog that discusses issues within Mormonism


Rethinking Mormonism

A site that collects quotes from Church leaders and experiences from Church members


Mormon Curtain

Occasionally jumbled, always angry expressions of frustration over issues in the Church



Sites that Discuss Church History or Contain a Time Line of Church History

PBS: The Mormons (Timeline)

Timeline from the two part PBS series "The Mormons"


Great Moments in Mormon History

Other than a couple indescrepancies, the timeline here is fairly accurate


Lyndon Lamborn's Timeline

Under Lyndon Lamborn's Writings can be found a downloadable timeline. Other than the wording concerning Joseph Smith's death (i.e. calling it a gunfight), the timeline is historically accurate


Mormon LDS History

A collection of links concerning LDS History, some more accurate than others



Finances, Including the Issue of Tithing

Tithing in the LDS Church

Mormon Think's discussion of tithing, and the finances of the LDS Church


The Gospel of Redistribution

An interesting blog discussing why Mormons should believe in the redistribution of wealth


Homosexuality

LDS Newsroom: Homosexuality

The LDS Newsroom's most recent response to questions concerning homosexuality.


Homosexuality & Mormonism

An essay concerning the history of homosexuality and sodomy and their connections to Mormonism


"To Young Men Only"

An address by Boyd K. Packer, an LDS apostle, to young priesthood-holding men about the dangers of masturbation, and the dangers of homosexuals and homosexuality... and how to deal with them.


Talk to the All-Church Coordinating Council

An address by Boyd K. Packer, an LDS apostle, to leaders of young adults and teenagers concerning leadership within the Church, and three great threats to the Church: homosexuals, feminists, and intellectuals


Quotes from LDS Leaders Concerning Homosexuality

Though not well documented, look up the quotes on the internet, and you will find them to be accurate.


Prop 8 Timeline

A timeline of the Church's involvement in California's proposition 8


Gay Mormon History

A discussion of Mormonism's involvement in gay issues


Monogamy & Homosexuality

A comparison of the similarities between quotes from the prophets concerning the perils of both homosexuality and monogamy.


Homosexuality: A Psychiatrist's Response to LDS Social Services

A psychiatrist's response to an LDS Social Services pamphlet concerning how to help people with homosexual "problems"


Mormons & Homosexuality

A discussion of Mormonism and its views on homosexuality


Mormonism's Position on Homosexuality

Another discussion of Mormonism and its views on homosexuality


Other Quotes and Talks from LDS Leaders

Lying for the Lord

A list of different events, topics, doctrines that the leaders of the LDS Church continue to deliberately hide at worst, simply not mention at best.


Mormon Prophets After Joseph Smith

A discussion of the role of the prophet


LDS Leaders

A collection of links concerning Mormon leaders


Leading His People Astray

A blog post I wrote, compiling a list of quotes, talks, and doctrines about the hypothetical infallibility of the leaders


Elder Russell M Nelson & Atheism

Russell M Nelson, an LDS apostle, addresses the dangers of atheism and atheists


Beware the Bitter Fruits of Apostacy

Quotes from LDS Leaders concerning the dangers of apostacy


Did They Really Say That?

Quotes from LDS leaders on a variety of subjects


Best & Worst of Mormon Quotes

As the title suggests... comments included


Racism

Blacks and the Priesthood

A discussion of the racism within the LDS Church, particularly concerning black men not being allowed the priesthood (or the ability to attend the temple) based on their race


First Presidency Response to Dr. Lowry Nelson

I usually wouldn't add such a sketchy looking site, but I have read a hard copy of the exchange, and this site matches what I read.


Manuscripts of Lowry Nelson

Where you can find the exchange between Dr. Lowry Nelson and the leadership of the Church concerning "the Negro race" and interracial marriage


Racism in Mormon History & Doctrine

A discussion of racism in Mormon history & doctrine


Mormon Racism in Perspective

Quotes from Mormon leaders, including a talk by Mark E Peterson


Racism in the LDS Church

One more resource for information about racist history, quotes and doctrines within the LDS Church


The Book of Abraham

The Book of Abraham

A discussion concerning the true origins of the Book of Abraham, canonized Mormon scripture


The Book of Abraham

Another discussion concerning the true origins of the Book of Abraham


The Kinderhook Plates & the Greek Psalter Incident

The Kinderhook Plates

A discussion on the false translation of "the Kinderhook plates" by Joseph Smith


Greek Psalter Incident

A discussion on the false translation of the Greek psalter by Joseph Smith


The Kinderhook Plates

Another discussion on the false translation of "the Kinderhook plates" by Joseph Smith


The Book of Mormon

Book of Mormon Difficulties

A discussion of the difficulties of the Book of Mormon (i.e. impossible events in the BoM, the Anthon visit, lack of important Mormon doctrine, changes in BoM, etc)


A Linguist Looks at Book of Mormon

A discussion of linguistic problems in the Book of Mormon.


Translation of Book of Mormon

A discussion of problems or inconsistencies in what the Church teaches about the translation of the Book of Mormon


Book of Mormon Historicity

A senior thesis concerning the Book of Mormon historicity


Lost 116 Pages

A discussion of the lost 116 pages of the original translation of the Book of Mormon


The Witnesses of the Book of Mormon

A discussion concerning the witnesses' testimony of the Book of Mormon


Joseph Smith's Ability

A discussion concerning the ability of Joseph Smith-- Could he have written the Book of Mormon?


Spiritual Abuse

Healing Spiritual Abuse

A community that seeks to heal spiritual abuse. This is a list of signs of spiritual abuse.


Wikipedia: Spiritual Abuse

What wikipedia has to say about spiritual abuse


Signs of Spiritual Abuse

Some more signs of spiritual abuse


The Mantle is Far Greater Than the Intellect

An address to members of the Church by Boyd K Packer about how the leader's access to revelation is greater than anything the member could ever deduce or find. Boyd K Packer also said that Church history that doesn't make the Church look better isn't useful.


The Lord Will Never Permit the Living Prophet to Lead the Church Astray

A lesson in an institute manual concerning the leaders infallibilities


Churches That Abuse

A transcript of the book "Churches That Abuse"


A Dialogue on Spiritual Abuse

A transcript of a discussion I had with my friend about spiritual abuse. Thoughts are welcomed.


8 Signs of Aberrational Bible-Based Group

8 different signs of an aberrational Christian or Bible-based group


What Harm Has Mormonism Done?

A response to the question "What harm has Mormonism done?"


Recovery From Spiritual Abuse

A site that hopes to help people recover from spiritual abuse.


Stop Spiritual Abuse

A discussion of spiritual abuse, with a secondary focus on the United Pentacostal church


Polygamy

Mormon Polygamy

A discussion of the polygamy within the early history of the Mormon church


Polygamy Timeline

A timeline of the polygamy within the early history of the Mormon church


Joseph Smith & Polygamy

A list of links concerning Joseph Smith & polygamy in the early history of the Church


Sexism

Roles of Women in the Church

A discussion of the roles of women in the LDS Church


Gender Roles & Sexism in the Church

A list of things for men to think about... Would they join a church that treated men like this?


From Mormon Patriarchy to Personal Peace

Mary Ann Benson's story of how she came to leave Mormonism


On Patriarchy and Patriarchs

The post's not much to look at, but the comments express more what I'm looking at


Sexism in the Mormon Church

A discussion of the sexism in the Mormon Church


Feminism's Threat to LDS Church

An address by Boyd K. Packer, an LDS apostle, to leaders of young adults and teenagers concerning leadership within the Church, and three great threats to the Church: homosexuals, feminists, and intellectuals. He discusses feminism... in terms of a woman wanting to leave her abusive priesthood-holding husband.


Strengthening the Patriarchal Order

LDS magazine, the Ensign, discusses how to strengthen the power of the husband/father in the home.


Sexuality

Mormon Essays on Sex & the Family

13 essays on different aspects of mormonism and sexuality


LDS Mormon Sex & Sexuality

A list of links concerning experiences with LDS sexual oppression.


LDS Sex Test

A test to take, to see if you've been sexually oppressed.


Mormon Sex History

A clearer history of sexuality in the Mormon Church


Sexuality in the Modern Mormon Church

A discussion on influences of polygamy on sexuality within the contemporary Mormon experience


Sex Abuse Within the Mormon Church

How the Mormon Church deals with sex abuse victims...


Healing the Tragic Scar of Abuse

A talk by Elder Richard G Scott concerning abuse. For someone who has a connection with the omniscient Almighty, Elder Scott doesn't seem to know some crucial things about abuse. For instance? The victim is not responsible for the abuse.


Boyd K Packer's Address Concerning Masturbation

Boyd K Packer, an LDS apostle, discusses the perils of masturbation.


History of Masturbation

An anonymous author writes concerning the history of masturbation


Temples

Transcripts of Endowment Ceremonies:

PDF of Transcripts

Audio Recording of Endowment Ceremony

Audio of the Two Recordings of Endowment Ceremony

1984 Transcript of Endowment Ceremony

1990 Transcript

Another 1990 Transcript


LDS Temple Endowment Ceremony

A site that has information of all the temple endowments, since early Kirtland


Mormon Temple Endowment

A collection of links concerning the Mormon Temple Endowment


Comparison Between the Temple Endowments

A comparison of the endowment ceremonies, the changes


The Mormon Temple

A discussion of the issues surrounding the Mormon temple, inside & out


Mormon Temples & Temple Rituals

A discussion of the rituals and meanings surrounding the temple.


The LDS Temple Ceremony

A discussion concerning the temple ceremonies


Mormon Temple Changes

Another comparison of the changes of the Mormon temple endowments


First Vision

Joseph Smith's First Vision

A discussion concerning the indescrepancies of the different accounts of Joseph Smith's first vision


A Discussion of the Various Accounts

A discussion concerning the various accounts of the first vision


Unreliability of Spiritual Experiences

Testimony & Spiritual Experiences

A discussion of Mormon doctrine concerning testimony, the "truth test" and spiritual experiences


The Unreliability of Spiritual Experiences

A discussion concerning the unreliability of spiritual experiences.


Confirmation Bias

What we can learn from confirmation bias


Conflicts with Science and Mormonism

Conflicts found between Mormonism and science


Free Will

Free will is an illusion, biologists say

This is a discussion I had with a friend about spiritual abuse.

Thoughts?

Hey Shelly,
As a rule I try to be open minded about things, so I'm trying to understand this spiritual abuse thing. Some of the signs don't really make sense to me. The website doesn't really explain what spiritual abuse is. I thought I would ask you before I tried googling it.
Thanks!
-Katie



No, it doesn't really explain it. Actually wikipedia has a pretty good entry on spiritual abuse. Tell me how you find it. :)



Well, Shelly, I am kind of curious as to your opinion on this. Do you think it's possible to have standards of conduct in an organization without them necessarily being abusive? I think it is, but I can easily see how such circumstances can be abused by some people. By standards of conduct, I mean specifically diet, clothing, tithing, etc. I don't view those things as being requirements as much as guidelines for health and happiness. I know plenty of people who choose not to follow them lol. In fact, I know I still engage in plenty of unhealthy behaviors regardless. I only say that they are a happiness guideline for me personally based on when I was not an active member of the LDS church. I used to feel like the church as a whole was an abusive and negative thing, but I feel differently now. The people aren't necessarily the gospel. This is not meant to be preaching at you, just sharing my opinion and thoughts lol.



Katie, I want to warn you that I've been sick for the past few days, but I've been thinking a lot about writing you back, so I want to write you, but I hope I'm understandable ;)

I don't think it's a problem to have those standards of conduct. But the way an organization sets about getting their people to follow those standards, can be abusive. In the case of the LDS Church, they set very clear boundaries on what is immoral or moral. So, if one is drinking coffee, they are unable to enter the temple. If a woman is immodest, she is "becoming pornography" (Dallin H. Oaks, “Pornography,” Ensign, May 2005, 87). If a member is not paying their tithing, they are not allowed into the temple.

The Church sets up a black/white, dirty/clean dichotomy. I say dirty/clean because no clean thing can be in the presence of God, nor in the Lord's house, namely the temple. Therefore we must assume that if one cannot enter into the Lord's presence, they are not clean, or dirty, and that whatever keeps them from the Lord's house makes them dirty. So, if I drink a coffee, I am not clean, or I am immoral.

I understand the need for health, but if the Word of Wisdom was simply about health, why include tea when there are many health benefits for those who drink tea, and why exclude sugar, and fatty foods? We must take care of our bodies, but if I drink tea, I can reduce my likelihood of having a stroke, or a heart attack, or developing Alzheimers. It bolsters my immune defenses, and fights against cancer. Tea lowers stress hormones, eases irritability, headaches, nervous tension, and insomnia. Tea helps to lower cholesterol and blood pressure. Tea helps with acne and bad breath. Tea can even lead to the inhibition of HIV.

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/14361.php
http://www.nursingdegree.net/blog/18/33-health-benefits-of-drinking-tea/
http://healthmad.com/health/why-you-should-drink-tea-more-often-five-health-benefits/


Modesty is a good standard to have, in body, in mind, in speech, but to create the dichotomy between pure and porn is absurd and insulting. Those who imply that a woman who wears a low-cut blouse is synonymous to pornography, are unfamiliar with it. And this dichotomy again creates the clean/unclean boxes.


Giving 10% of one's earnings to an organization that aids the world is a noble thing. But when the organization says your soul, your eternity, and your family's eternity depends on you giving 10% of your earnings to that organization, and the organization will not open their books so that those donating their money can see where there money is going, it is suspicious at best, extortion at worst-- as the threat is your eternal damnation to a lesser kingdom. My problem with tithing, is not that they ask for 10%, or that they ask for anything at all, but that they 1) ask for it under threat, and 2) will not open their books, so the members know what their money is going to. We 'know' what it goes to, because we take their word for it. If it is what they say it is, what would the problem be in opening their books? This is an abusive tactic.

So far, firstly, the Church sets up a clean/dirty dichotomy-- those that can and do go to the temple, are good/clean/worthy. Those who can or do not, are unclean/dirty/unworthy. This dichotomy does not allow dissent, which is an abusive tactic. I'm reminded of the hymn "Ye Simple Souls Who Stray". It is a fair reflection of what the Church teaches in terms of people being happier, more enlightened, and more successful within, and not with-out the Church. If someone in a relationship were to say "You could not be happy without me", or "You could not be close to God without me", or "You will not be as good of a person without me", it would be seen as an abusive relationship, and that is the dichotomy that the Church is very clear about.

I don't want to offend, but I do want to have an honest discussion. So, I will bring up temple ceremonies, and you are welcome to skip this paragraph. I do not mean to desecrate something sacred to you, but I do believe this to be a key puzzle piece in the abusiveness of the Church. Without the temple, we are estranged from those closest to us, from those we love for eternity. We are destined to a lower kingdom, or a lower degree if we have been baptized. It is absolutely crucial, in our understanding, to attain that highest degree, and therefore, we must, for our sake and for the sake of our family, go through the temple. Do we know what happens in the temple, before we go? No, usually not. There are two reasons one goes through the temple for the first time. To be married and take out one's endowments, or to take out one's endowments-- perhaps for a mission. When the ceremony begins, the member is told that he/she cannot tell others about what happens inside the temple. They used to be taught the signs of the penalty, the brutal ways they would suffer if they went contrary to anything they had learned. They no longer include the signs of the penalty in the ceremony, but they continue to stress the precise, severe importance of not going contrary to anything they had learned inside the temple, and not telling outsiders about them either. So, a member has no clue what they are getting into, usually has to make a huge commitment-- marriage/mission- under threat of eternal damnation to a lesser kingdom/degree, and is not allowed to divulge or dissent, once pulled into the ceremony. This is an abusive tactic.

I really think the biggest problem is that the Church does not allow dissent, and that their members must follow, under threat of not being with their family.

So, that's my opinion. What do you think? You didn't sound like you were preaching at all-- I hope I haven't either. I'm glad we can share our viewpoints on the subject.



Hey Shelly, a proper response is still on my to do list. I have been working on it, but your message was quite lengthy, and I've been quite busy unfortunately. Hopefully my time will free up after I get these grad apps in.



Don't worry about it, Katie. Life gets busy. I totally understand.



I'm so lame; I still haven't responded to this. I forget things when I don't write them down, and I lost my to do list haha. But I remember now, if you would still like a response?



Whatever you want to do, I'm fine with. I don't want to impose on your life if it's too much of a hassle.

I've had a lot of thoughts lately... they cover a wide range of subjects, so this blog post may be more of a ramble than a set list of ideas and thoughts.

I've gone through a lot of transitions in my life as of the past two years. I left the religion of my childhood. I came to terms with my attractions to women, and then came to terms with my manhood. I have been through much tribulation. Last year was one of the worst, and one of the best years of my life. I was in a relationship with a woman who I have loved more than anyone else, myself included. She brought spice and beauty to my life. My love for her continues to grow. The chance I had, a chance some people never get, to be with someone I truly love, was and is precious. She showed me the majesty of rotting houses, and the need the world has for people who will love it. She taught me to eat healthier, and not to crush bugs on the sidewalk. She showed me love, dedication, and acceptance. I had experienced love, but she made the word grow for me. It made me feel like I had never understood the word before, and that's only where it began.

I came out as a lesbian-- I didn't have the words yet to describe my masculinity-- and a month or so after, our relationship was outed to her family, and all hell broke loose. I will spare the reader the meat of the story, but will explain somewhat the effects of a wolf in sheep's clothing, or hate in love's clothing... Thus followed 3 complete mental break downs for her, a near-institutionalization for her-- which we should have taken... hindsight is 20/20, a near-suicide-attempt for me, several doctors appointments for me-- taking care of her was stressful to my emotional and physical self, but she is always worth it, and she honestly had no one else--, days and nights without sleep for the both of us and food for her, an emergency room visit for her, several calls to the local suicide hotline for her. In the meantime, her family was acting atrociously (the thing that pushed her to the edge in the first place), sending her to the brink and refusing to help, and insisting that I not be the one to help her. I have never seen something so ugly as someone who insists they love you while they literally drive you insane, drive you to death.

My love and I moved away at the end of the summer to continue school elsewhere, but the effects of the stress from the summer proved too much. I did better, once I was out of reach of her family, but, although she wasn't in as bad shape as before, she continued to feel great pain, guilt, and fear. The pain became too much, and we had to end our official relationship. She loved me, and I loved her, and we continue to care about each other in a way I never though possible, but she couldn't handle the elephant on her back anymore... and I do not blame her.

I've... matured. ...I hope, haha. I think I have.

Another thing that has happened to me has been an extreme surprise. My 14 year old self would be incredibly appalled.

I don't talk to my family about my feelings concerning the religion I was raised in, because I know they are at rest in "the Church", and more than anything, I want them to be happy and at rest. They have treated me with incredible respect-- respect I have not always deserved. They have treated me with extreme love. I am one of the lucky few, to not only still have a vague connection to the people who are blood related to me, but to have a loving relationship with them. We seek to understand each other, and build each other up, even if includes things we don't understand. And then we seek to understand.

But... as to my relationship with "the Church"...

Not only have I taken my name off the records of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (the Mormon/LDS Church), but I have come across information that leads me to view the specific religion in an unfavorable light. It is about the abuse, the past and present oaths in the secret ceremonies in the temple, the purposeful cover-ups by Church leadership of Church history that continue today, the finances and manipulation within the finances, the history of ethnocentrism, xenophobia, racism, sexism, heterosexism, cysgenderism, it is about the manipulation within so-called "loving" teachings, the lies, and the "love"-cloaked hatred. I understand that these are severe accusations, and if anyone would like specifics, they are welcome to message me. Let it be understood: I am not discussing the people of "the Church" or the culture of Utah, although I believe it is highly influenced by "the Church". I am discussing specific doctrines, specific events in Church history, specific actions and words of leaders, specific beliefs and ideologies supported by high leadership and doctrines within "the Church". I am appalled at my contributions to such an organization as this.

...I have changed a lot. Many transitions.

I'm beginning another one. After 10 months of beginning to understand my masculinity, 8 months of incredible thought and effort and acceptance of my being a man in a female body. I have begun testosterone injections, and am excited for the day when my outer appearance will better match my inner self.

Transitions are a good, and somewhat tiring, thing. I'm okay with transition, ESPECIALLY if it's towards the better. The better is not always free of pain, of frustration, and stress. But the better is more ethical, which becomes a transition for the happier. Happiness is found deep inside of us. We may be stressed, sad, angry, frustrated, and still find a deep resounding happiness. I am so, very, very happy. But that does not mean I am not without confusion. It's a very good kind of confusion.

I think the theme of the post today is: transition. And that is all.

Two Lists of Teachings or Practices of the LDS Church that I Intend to Continue or Discontinue Incorporating Into My Life

Even though I no longer affiliate myself with the organization The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and I do not consider myself to be one of their members, there are traditions, practices, and teachings that I will continue to keep in my life, and will one day teach my children. Some of these are specific to the Church, like the Primary songs I'll be singing to my children, and some of them are not tied specifically to the Church, like the belief that one should ponder things out in our hearts or the belief that we must love one another. In my own way, even though I no longer consider myself Mormon, I'll always be a Mormon girl.

The following two lists, (the first being a list of traditions, aspects, or teachings I intend to keep, the second being a list of traditions, aspects, or teachings I no longer believe and will no longer be continuing to incorporate into my life, and intend to not incorporate into my family's life) are not meant to offend or hurt. This is for the sake of honest communication, as, over the course of the past 9 months, I have had many people ask me why I'm leaving, or why I no longer feel I can support the Church. Most of my answer has been to the reason of "I found in a higher way of thinking, that being gay was okay, and after that I realized I could no longer coincide with the Church", but it is somewhat more complicated than that--- which you found, if you questioned me further. If you're one of those people, this is your answer.

I understand that people on both sides of the spectrum will disagree with a couple things I have listed, and that's okay. This list is not meant definitively, nor is it meant in terms of being a list of the good or bad of Mormonism. Honestly, few may agree and that's okay because this list was my list, not your list, and I imagine that if you were to create a list, I would not agree with everything on that list either. We're two separate people, and that's how it's supposed to be. If you see yourself being very hurt or very angry, you have my permission to stop at anytime throughout the text.

You will notice that the list of things I will continue to incorporate into my life is longer than those I don't. However, most listed in the second list are more important to me, and most listed in the first list are not equivocally tied to the Church. I do not intend to join or attend any church that agrees with many of the things on the second list. It's nothing against the Mormon Church, as much as it is that my beliefs do not match up/line up with the teachings of the Mormon Church. I believe that God would best support me supporting a religion that I agree with, rather than staying with one that I don't upon the hope that I will receive exaltation.

I know some of you will not agree with me having posted this note, and if that's the case, for heaven's sake, keep it to yourselves. Nothing will profit you from telling me that you don't think I should have done something I already did. AND, if you don't think it should have been posted, you probably weren't the ones it was directed to, so don't worry about it: you don't have to read it.

On a side note, if there are any things you feel I have left out, because I know I must have, leave a comment at the bottom (I responded to things that have been on my mind, and mostly the list of gospel topics on lds.org), and I'll be sure to edit the note and address that point. If you are offended, angry, or hurt, please don't leave divisive or negative comments about it. I will delete your comment. This is a list of my beliefs, and I hope you can respect that it is as perfectly acceptable for me to be appropriately vocal about my lack of belief in those men being prophets, as it is for you to be vocal in your belief that they are indeed prophets. If you have a question, or want something clarified, I am willing to discuss, not to debate, over facebook message, or over email at krazykiddz@gmail.com. Remember, too, that there may come a time in that discussion that we will simply have to accept that we will not agree.

I'll tag some people in this note, not as a list of people who this was directed to, but rather as a list of who I would like to look over the list. I want some feedback, and I want to be reasonably challenged so I can verify once more what I believe, (i.e. Can I back it up?) since I believe the questioning of one's beliefs is a positive attribute.

Now, to continue with my list:




Beliefs and/or Practices I Will Continue to Incorporate Into My Life


* Their approach to abuse: encouraging forgiveness w/ the correct timing, while encouraging justice and healing w/o self-blame

* The belief (*T b) that everyone experiences grief and adversity, and that we all deal with it in our own time, in our own way

* T b that you can live out eternity with the one you are wholly committed to (difference of opinion, however, on how best to show that commitment, or how to join the club on who gets to live it out)

* T b that women should only get an abortion if they cannot emotionally or physically handle the pregnancy or birthing

* T b that each person has the ability to choose (free agency) (differences of opinion, however, on what the best choices are to choose)

* I'll be singing primary songs, like my mother sung to me, to my children. I will also continue to sing many of the hymns from the LDS hymnal.

* T b that it is severely important to learn how to love one another

* So far, I still definitely think that Joseph Smith was a prophet.

* T b that men will not be punished for Adam's transgression

* T b that there are certain universal laws that all men must live by (however, difference of opinion on what those laws are)

* T b that all men ought to have the right to practice religion as they wish, as long as it is not directly harmful to people or animals

* T b (in terms of doctrine, not necessarily that of all their actions) that it is right to be good to people, to be friendly, tolerant of others' beliefs, to be honest-- which is what I'm doing w/ these lists--, to be generous, to not hurt your fellow men, women, children, animals, or the world we live on.

* T b that birth control is between the two beings in question, and whatever they feel is right, however and wherever they may discover their answer from.

* T b that there is a higher and a lower afterlife. I believe that there are degrees of the afterlife that vary in terms of each person, and each family. I believe that families continue on into forever, but that a "family" is not necessarily meant in terms of "a group that is connected by marriage or blood", but rather "loved ones who support each other and hold each other up with a degree of commitment", but that those loved ones can and often are related to each other through marriage or blood.

* T b that a couple (homo & heterosexual, which is a difference of opinion) can obtain the ultimate commitment and should show that commitment in the best way they feel possible, and that adultery is unequivocally wrong. The utmost respect and commitment should be shown to those who you are thus bonded to.

* T b that people should only begin dating upon reaching a mature level. However, I think it is more of a personal matter, and whether that level is mostly or always reached at age 16, or not, I'm not sure.

* T b that we can see our loved ones after death.

* T b that there is most definitely evil in the world, but not necessarily that it is encouraged by one evil source (a.k.a. the devil)

* Except for things like receiving an education, avoid debt at all costs

* T b that under the correct circumstances, as they range from abuse to irreconcilable differences, divorce is appropriate as long as it is done in the right way

* T b that receiving an education, men and women, is of the utmost importance. For whatever/whoever you plan (or upon the incidence of an accident) to bring into this world, be sure you can support them.

* T b that there are things that we can do to strengthen our families.

* T b that it is important to be prepared, whether that be with a savings plan, or having food storage.

* T b that to forgive is a divine (or a higher) attribute

* T b that it is important to connect with our ancestors

* T b that gratitude is a divine (higher) attribute

* T b that true honesty, with one's self, with respectful honesty with those around you, is a higher attribute

* T b that a higher way of thinking would seek for us to find true happiness, which can be found inside of us upon making the right decisions. (however, difference of opinion on what those right decisions are. For instance, now that I've chosen to be true to myself as a gay woman, I'm much happier... but the Church would not consider that a choice that would make me ultimately happier-- I disagree)

* T b that humility is a higher attribute (however, there comes a time when we must stop apologizing and we must choose to be direct)

* T b that judgments must be guided with righteous intentions and guidelines (however, difference in opinion on who is supposed to judge, what they're allowed to do what those judgments, and what those guidelines are)

* T b that we all have access to obtain personal revelation through a higher way of thinking.

* T b that sacrifice can help us obtain a closer connection to that higher way of thinking.

* T b that the service of those we love, and those in our community, as well as those in other communities-- with similar or dissimilar beliefs to ours-- is necessary for the well-being of humanity and it is necessary for personal growth.

* I will continue, as I can, attending appropriate religious services, in hopes of coming closer, through greater introspection, to that higher thinking.

* We both (the Church and I) believe in peace, but will accept war when necessary.



Beliefs and/or Practices I Will Discontinue Incorporating Into My Life


* The belief that the priesthood (as in "the power of God, and the right to act in his name") was meant for men, and that they have a closer connection with God because of it-- I believe that this connection is equally accessible to both men and women and is something that is internally acquired, not acquired through an ordination

* T b that the leadership of the church is made up of prophets. I believe that they have as much of an access to Godly knowledge (a higher way of thinking) as any of us, but I believe that sometimes they have a closer connection due to the amount of time they spend focusing on the cultivation of that connection. Mostly, I believe they talk with God, but they do not speak for God. They are men who are subject to their own prejudices

* T b that consumption of a mild amount of alcohol or drugs is morally wrong

* There are several scriptural references that I, and much of the educated world, differ, due to some significant translational evidence, in opinion in terms of the Church's scriptural interpretations.

* T b that baptism by water is currently necessary to enter into their ideal afterlife. I believe it was once a symbolic fulfillment of what many call "conversion", but it is more accurately a specific change that occurs in us that qualifies us.

* T b that both the King James Version of the bible is an accurate translation (as we are constantly finding new discoveries that give us greater insight into the translation of words, and the belief that the Book of Mormon is unequivocally the Word of God. HOWEVER, in order for something to qualify as the word of God, in my belief, it need only follow what the Lord teaches, and because I find many similar teachings in what I find with God, and what I find in the Book of Mormon, my belief is that there is much to glean from reading the Book of Mormon.

* T b that the 10 tribes will converge in America

* T b that faith (as in the un or little questioned trust that those who claim to be prophets of God, speak for God) is a Godly attribute. I believe that God, or any higher being of high morality, would hope that we would not just pray and be faithful that the answer we feel we have gotten was right, but that we would study it, as Joseph Smith did. Jesus had his doubts, so he studied them for the answers, as he tried to keep his connection to the higher way of thinking, through what many would consider to be "prayer". Only through questioning and truly finding out for one's self, can one be truly at peace with their beliefs.

* Body piercing, the consumption of coffee & tea, swearing (done in the correct setting), acquiring tattoos, these are personal choices. Pretty sure God is still going to be okay with you if you've got a nose ring, as long as you've been good and kind and loving and accepting.

* I believe that fornication and adultery are two separate issues, as adultery deals with a heart wrenching dishonesty and the breaking of an utmost commitment. Polyamory is different than adultery, and very similar to polygamy. Polyamory is the belief-- held by both/all in the relationship-- that it is possible to love and to fulfill this utmost commitment with multiple people.

* T b that we must unequivocally follow all laws of the government. Sometimes riots, boycotts, necessary force is... necessary. Only sometimes, but... yeah. Mostly, I agree with shooting down a bad government, whether it be by the law or not. By the law first, then, if it's not working after a long amount of time, you take whatever means necessary.

* T b that homosexuality is more morally wrong than heterosexuality. I believe that anything wrong with homosexuality is wrong with heterosexuality (i.e. adultery)

* T b that marriage is the only right way to show a perfect commitment to who you share that ultimate commitment with.

* I absolutely cannot agree with the patriarchal order, as I believe it makes the woman second class in the relationship.

* T b that only in the LDS temple, and only through the ordinations accomplished there, can you be sealed with your family, and be with them for forever.

* T b that there is only one right way to live our lives, that there is only one path to "heaven"



* "T b" stands for "The belief..."

Off to the side, I've got a list of links, labeled "Interesting Info". I thought I'd give a little summary about what each of these links would send you to when clicked upon. (these are a list of links I find interesting enough to share with all y'all)

*aherm*...

BODIES: The Exhibition: No, this isn't a link to "Men in Trenchcoats". This link takes you to the site that talks about the science phenomenon, the museum exhibit explaining the bodies... with real bodies!

Delete Censorship: Delete Censorship has lists of the most challenged books in America. (books that people wanted out of their library, or school) Some of these, you'd be surprised. Check it out.

Equality Utah: This is the site for Utah that helps you easily involve yourself in local politics concerning gay legislation. Also, it explains some of the legislation that's seeking to be passed.

Ghetto Translator: Ghetto translator translates whatever web page you send it to into stereotypical ghetto slang. "Facescribblin` helps ya` connect and share wid da people in yo` life."

God Loveth His Children: This is a pdf file of the pamphlet from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints that addresses their views on homosexuality (sans the political side of it-- you find that elsewhere) and the practice of homosexuality. They're much more liberal than you think ;)

Good Reads: This is an awesome site where you can easily share your reads and your writes.

Google Options: Cool google options, applications, etc.

Hounddog Rape Scene: Ever wonder what the rape scene from Hounddog with Dakota Fanning really included? Here's where you find out, so you can decide: Is this really a scandal?

Independent Women's Forum: A fairly fair feminist forum.

Male Lactation Info: Did you know that men, throughout the ages, have had to lactate at times? This link has some really interesting info on the subject.

McCain: This is a link to John McCain's blog.

Mee Mix: Similar to Pandora, this is an app that easily allows you to find songs similar to what you're in the mood for.

Meridian Magazine: A link to Meridian Magazine, which addresses the local Mormon demographic, often addressing state, local, and national legislation.

Obama: This is a link to Barack Obama's blog.

Orisinal: Morning Sunshine: A few fun games for when you're in need of momentary rest and relaxation. The variety offered on the site means you could spend anytime for a few minutes to a few hours here.

Overheard in the Ward: A funny set of things that people overheard from speakers or fellow listeners while in their LDS congregations.

Plot Whisperer: This is a helpful site for writers, with tips, critiques, and whatever you needs.

Queer Salt Lake: A link to QSalt Lake, a local newspaper that addresses the local homosexual demographic, often addressing state, local, and national legislation.

Rachel Maddow: One of my favorite liberal show hosts.

RAINN: The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network

RAINN Online Hotline: *RAINN's option for those seeking advice. This is for people who know people who've been raped, people who've been raped (recently or not), or just people with questions. *see previous entry

Rhyme Zone: An easy way to find antonyms, synonyms, definitions, and rhymes to whichever word you need.

Sex Offender Issues: Issues surrounding sex offenses, and sex offenders.

Sex Offender Studies: Studies concerning sex offenders

Soft Cup: A menstruation revolution! Tampons toxic-shocking you? Pads leaking? Need something new? Click on the link!

SparkNotes: An easy way to fake your book report or "read" and "analyze" a book, so you know what you're talking about when your date brings up Crime and Punishment.

Strengthening Your Marriage: This is a blog that gives tips and other links that aids in, aherm, strengthening your marriage.

Suite 101: An easy way to find an article on... anything.

Surf The Channel: A site that gives you the necessary links to access thousands of television shows and movies online. A cheap alternative to the weekly Cinemax

Survivor Booklet: This is a pdf of the Survivor Booklet by the Utah Coalition Against Sexual Abuse, for those who have been sexually abused. Very handy.

Symptom Checker: Plug your sick-symptoms into this app, and you have options of what you could be ailing with. Easy way to see if you need to go to the doctor or not.

Urban Dictionary: A list of slang and popular meanings and interpretations.

Write or Die: Dr. Wicked's Writing Lab: Easy explanation. You stop writing for long enough, you die.



So, those are my list of awesomely amazing links. If you're interested, just click on the link in the blog post. If you have any you'd like to inform ME of, please, leave a comment, and inform :)