Optical Allusionist

I had a dream once- oh, a year or so ago, and this is how it goes. These men came to work on our lawn. It was late at night, and everyone (including Brother Maddox, me, my family, friends, these two guys, etc) was outside. We saw these tracks that formed a path through my back yard. They actually resembled the handcart tracks I'd been staring at just weeks before (for trek :D) These men had put them there. It made me so mad to see thesetracks. I loved my back yard, and they had ruined it. So I started saying "You ruined our lawn! You ruined our lawn! You ruined our lawn!" I ran to mymom and nearly in tears said "He ruined my lawn!" She just raised her eyebrows, nodded and shrugged her shoulders. I couldn't believe how apathetic she was being. It was our lawn!! Eyes brimming with tears and anger, I picked up a shovel, and ran hard at him screaming all the way "You ruined my lawn! You ruined my lawn!" I maneuvered the shovel back behind my shoulders, ready to swing and cut cleanly into his head. I could almost feel it slice through his skull and brains already. I loved it. I swung. My arms weakened along with my anger, melting into a sickening jolt of self-disgust. Though the swing had started out hard, it never did reach the man. I dropped the shovel, fell to my knees, head in my palms, bawling. So much confusion. There was so little of me that was disgusted with my near-attempted murder, so much that was disgusted that I couldn't kill this man. But I couldn't. Soon after, I saw the man hand his co-worker a knife, ready to use it on my family. Even then, I knew I'd discovered that I couldn't kill him, no matter how much I wanted it because of the sliver of me that didn't want to hurt that man. I felt nauseous with guilt. I hated myself for not being able to murder him. My eyes red and swollen, and my body shaking as I continued to cry hard into my hands, I felt encompassed with a sickening essence of failure. I was a failure. A failure. That's about all I remember of the dream.

I guess we know what the path is, and what I'm really referring to when I say "lawn", but that scares me. He made a path in my life. Talking to him put me in a position of power. It meant I could make or break him. I chose to make him, and I hope I was successful.